


Helpless

by theladyofmisthaven



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-03-30 13:35:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 34,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3938728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theladyofmisthaven/pseuds/theladyofmisthaven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Killian Jones is a single dad, working for a better life for him and his son Liam. He does not feel like he needs a woman in his life. Until one night he ends up in ER with his son and meets a gorgeous pediatrician, who may flip his world around.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lenfaz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lenfaz/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I do not own OUAT.  
> AN: This is a birthday presen for my lovely Lenfaz. Happy Birthday Lena! May all your dreams come true. Unfortunalty life interfered with my writing, so this will be a two parter( thanks to my lovely betas: captain-k-jones, and o-u-a-timer).

Part 1

Lights flickered in the quiet of the ER waiting room. A single nurse sat behind the corner eyeing him in judgmental way. Like he was the worst human being alive, a bug that deserved to be squashed with the dark satisfaction of doing the right thing. 

He did not need her self righteous attitude to know he screwed up. He was well aware of that on his own. Thank you very much.

Being a single father was hard enough, even without strangers giving him “good” advice. He should be used to it by now. Used to all the surprised reactions he got when old ladies found out Liam did not have a mother. The looks he got from women eager to flirt with him, until he mentioned his son. He was the perfect prey for them- tall, muscular, blue eyed brunette, with a subtle scruff and a dashing smile. A potential boyfriend they could show off, making their girlfriends jealous. A kid was not a wanted addition to their fantasy. He had no need for a woman anyway. Not after what had happened to the last one, whom he had given his heart to.

He was a widower. Was that a stigma? It was not one that he had chosen. He didn’t ask to be left alone with an infant. Didn’t ask for his wife to bled to death because of labor complications. Bloody doctors could not do anything for her. One minute she was there and in the next, she wasn’t. He hated hospitals. He had lost too many people there- first his mother to cancer, than his brother after that blasted accident, and finally Liam's mother. The thought he could also lose his son was just…

A frustrated groan came out of his mouth as he drew his hand through his hair again, which made it stick out even more. His elbows pinned the expensive looking charcoal jacket to his knees, where it laid crumpled. His wrinkled, light blue shirt was untucked. He had undone the first few buttons and rolled his sleeve

***

Killian Jones normally deemed himself a self sufficient man. He had a nice apartment in a fairly decent neighbourhood. He had a job that gave him satisfaction and financial support. Most importantly, he had a three year old miracle who loved him unconditionally- his son Liam. What possibly he could have wanted more?

A reliable babysitter.

That particular evening had turned out to be a total disaster. He had an extremely important business meeting. One that could lift his company up to an entire whole new level. It would bring him lots of money which, in perspective, could have lead him to employing more people and give him a chance to spend more time with Liam. He might have even be able to buy a house. A small cozy house in the suburbs, with a garden, where he could play with his son. Maybe even a dog.

Everything was set - a reservation in a fancy restaurant, a fancy suit (a look like a person you aspire to be thing) and a nice girl, whom his son liked, to babysit. That was until Ashley had called him an hour before the meeting. She was sick and wouldn’t be able to make it.

He looked helplessly at his lad, already dressed in his spiderman pajamas with a stuffed brown one-eared bunny under his arm. 

“Papa?” bare feet hit the wooden floor, as Liam came his way. “ Where Ash?”

Killian crouched before him, trying to smile, as the child rubbed his blue eyes tiredly. He was already all dressed and had only 20 minutes to find a solution to this whole situation. He could not afford to cancel the meeting, he just couldn’t. His mind was racing frantically- what to do, what to do. Then it hit him- the old widow from the apartment across the hall. Liam seemed to like her well enough and she had offered to help before. Plus, Ruby, his late wife’s friend was her granddaughter and usually visited the old woman that day of the week. Yes. This could work out perfectly.

10 minutes later he had found himself knocking on Mrs Lucas door, with a sleepy Liam in his arms and a bag full of things his son might need while he is away.

The widow had opened the door looking at him with curiosity. Her eyes looked tired behind the half moon glasses, gray hair stuck out in different directions. Her dress was wrinkled, socks mismatched.

Killian adjusted his hold on Liam, as the boys head of curly brown hair hit his shoulder.

“Good evening Mrs. Lucas” he smiled charmingly despite the uneasy feeling he got because of the old woman’s appearance. She usually was a very neat person. Maybe something was wrong. He pushed the thought aside. It was probably his nerves, besides Ruby would be here soon enough. At least that’s what she told him, when he had called her before he left his apartment. He held his son a little closer.

“ I have a favor to ask”.

***  
The dinner went surprisingly well. Killian was able to negotiate an astonishing deal. He and Liam would be set for life. He skipped a few steps of stairs, absentmindedly noticing an ambulance before his apartment building. Tonight was perfect and nothing could make him think otherwise. He just needed to see his boy. He was just rounding the corner, when his heart almost stopped.

Widow’s Lucas granddaughter was standing by the door of her grandmother’s apartment, as a medic team literally ran out. But it was not the old woman, who was lying on the stretcher, it was Liam.

“Killian” Ruby’s voice was uncertain. “I was trying to call you- you weren’t answering your cell.” she bent her fingers awkwardly.

“I got stuck in a traffic… Was almost an hour and a half late here. He swallowed some of my grandmother's pills” she said quietly. “ She has not been feeling well lately and needed to.. .”

He looked at her with unseeing eyes, his stance petrified with fear.

“I didn’t know she was sick.” she muttered. “He took them just as I was entering the apartment. I am so so sorry Killian.”

He did not have a time to react, not that he was in a state to react to anything. All that he could see was his son's scarred eyes, looking so incredibly tired. His heart was beating frantically, breath heavy, and he felt his hand trembling, when one of the paramedics approached him.

“Sir, are you the father?” Killian heard the man in red ask. He nodded absentmindedly.

“You are going to have to come with us.”

***

Emma Swan's life goal was becoming a pediatrician. Ever since she was a kid, she dreamt of helping others. Her parents had taught her to be a hero. Being a hero in her family had meant being willing to help others in every way possible, to make the world a better place. Of course the place of fairy tales was in children's books, and in real world dragons did not look all that frightening. Evil and darkness had a way of creeping up on you in various manners. Diseases were like curses thrown at you, when your back was turned, destroying not only health but hope also. Children were the most vulnerable to that hex. They had their whole life before them, filled with opportunities, dreams and love. Being ill took all of that from them. From that perspective, her choice had been an obvious one. She had become a dragon slayer in modern world, a fairy-tale godmother who tried to undo evil spells. She became a doctor.

That particular night, Emma had rushed into the ER, slightly annoyed, after receiving a call from the nurse on duty. A call that made her quite angry. Not only because she had to leave a perfectly warm cup of hot chocolate, she was not that kind of doctor.

'Med intoxication! Third time this week! Really?' she thought. 'What’s wrong with parents these days? Why weren’t they keeping their medications in safe places? Did they even think about the possibility that their thoughtlessness could cost them the life of their children?' 

She had enough work with patients, who were actually sick, she did not need to deal with ones who should have never been there in the first place.

The paramedics rushed in with an approximately 3 year old boy on a verge of losing consciousness. His eyes were already becoming misty and clouded with fear. 

Her training kicked in, almost like a muscle memory. She checked the kid’s vitals immediately, and turned to the man her patient was brought in with. She assumed he was the boy’s father.

“What did he take?” she asked him, taking him in.

He was a very handsome man, with dark dishevelled hair and striking forget-me-not blue eyes, the same colour as the child’s. Yep, definitely his father.

“I don’t know” he answered brokenly with a heavy accented voice. Irish maybe?

“How can you not know?” she narrowed her eyes at him. Was this guy even real?

“I wasn’t there…” he whispered, as he looked at her with unseeing eyes. He seemed lost.

She was sure he did not know who was he talking to. Drunk? Maybe, judging by the state of his clothes - wrinkled dress suit and inappropriate unbuttoned shirt. She had no time for some irresponsible casanova. Men attractive like that usually meant no brain and a lot of trouble. Emma quickly turned to the paramedics asking all the right questions. 

Fortunately they seem to know everything she needed. In situations like this time was an essence. She felt rather than saw the boy’s father standing helplessly in the ER, while she gave instructions to the nurses.

“We are going to have to do a lavage” she announced, turning to him. She could see him running a nervous hand through his hair.

“You need to sign the forms” he blinked at her, which irritated her even more. “Go to the waiting room to do the paper work. It will be better if your son does not associate you with this procedure. We’ll handle it from here.”

He nodded his head, touched the kids head reassuringly and whispered something to him for a while. Then, he walked out of the room.

Finally, she could do her job.

End of Part One


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am truly amazed by the response to this fic. I have never intended for it to be long. Yet, somehow, the scenes I had planned, started to grow in length. Enjoy.  
> Like always big thanks to my betas: captain-k-jones and o-u-a-timer.

Part 2

With paperwork done, Killian was left with his own thoughts. Not a pleasant experience to be honest. He usually avoided it at all cost, because what’s the point of dwelling in the past? He could not afford it, not after his wife died. He had to take care of Liam. His son was his priority, which gave him little time to feel sorry for himself.

Now unfortunately, it seemed he had enough spare time to actually do it for once. The thinking thing. It wasn’t going well.

He should have just called off the meeting or postponed it. If he had, Liam would be safe at home right now. Probably asleep on top of his quilt, legs and hands outstretched in a Superman pose despite his Spiderman pajamas. He smiled at that thought. His son was a wandering sleeper, often ending up in Killian's bed or, more precisely, on his father's head. There were nights where he did not get a chance to sleep at all. Not that he minded it. These were the charms of parenthood and he had learned to live with them. Tonight, however, his lack of sleep had an entirely different cause.

Thanks to his impatience, his boy had ended up here. Ended up in the hospital fighting death, just as all of his other loved ones had before. 

No, he thought with a shake of his head. He would not do that. He would not sink into self pity. He needed to pull himself together. Liam would have no use of a broken father. What’s done is done. He can't change the past. All he can do is look to the future.

If by some miracle this whole mess would end happily, he would devote even more of his time to his son. Just lord, let him have a second chance.

He rubbed his face tiredly before looking at the sill closed ER doors. The chairs in the waiting room were uncomfortable, but he could not bring himself to get up. He felt so drained. It seemed like an hour had passed since he left that room, but a quick glance at his watch confirmed it was merely minutes. How much longer would it take anyway? What were they doing to his boy? Is he scared? Or even conscious? He seemed to be drifting to sleep before. The thoughts just kept swirling in his head over and over again.

“Mr Jones!” A female voice interrupted his thoughts. There was an edge to it like the speaker did not want to address him at all, but the circumstances demanded otherwise.

He shook and lift his head up to the most unexpected sight. There, right in front of him was a woman in scrubs, and by the look of it, she had spent enough time calling him to be highly unamused.

***

She had found him looking at his hands when she walked out of the ER to the waiting room. Hair definitely messier than before, still looking wasted. She fought the urge to roll her eyes and bit her lip to prevent herself from lashing out. Emma had just spent almost twenty minutes trying to clean up the mess that this stranger allowed to happen to his boy. She was not in a mood to taking care of the man and whatever disaster he had put himself in.

“Mr Jones,” she said.

No reaction. He still looked dazed.

“Mr Jones,” Emma said again, a little angier, a little louder, eyebrows frowning. Still no reaction.

She was beyond mad now. She took a deep breath before she spoke one more time.

“Mr Jones!”

He looked up at her startled, like he had not heard her before. Like he had not even seen her before. 

***

Pink scrubs, a white duster, a stethoscope, and a notepad -a doctor maybe? Green eyes were ablaze, deepened by a frown of her eyebrows.

Killian was sure he had never seen this woman before. He would have remembered her, wouldn’t he? Yet, she had looked at him like she already had an opinion about him. Which was not possible, right?

She cleared her throat.

“Well, now that you are somewhat back to the living,” she said with a snark. ”Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Emma Swan and I’m a pediatrician treating your son.“

He blinked, trying to collect his thoughts, and looked absentmindedly at her outstretched hand. The details of his arrival with Liam to the hospital were blurry, to say the least. There was a doctor there, he was sure of that, but he would not be able to describe that person if his life depended on it.

She took her hand back when he had not shaken it, and continued:

“The treatment went fine. We lavaged very precisely. We are still monitoring his vitals, but he seems stable now. Blood was taken to analysis and we will have to take an urine sample too …”

Killian closed his eyes and relief filled his heart at her words. He felt as if a huge weight hanging above him had been lifted. His boy was okay. He was going to be fine. Killian was able to breath again. His hands unclenched, surprising him. He was not aware they were clenched in the first place. It was an odd feeling.

He looked at the Swan doctor again to thank her and his heart skipped a beat. Killian felt like he was seeing her for the first time, truly seeing her. And what a sight it was.

She was beautiful! Golden locks, escaped the high ponytail and framed her porcelain colored face. Her eyes seemed more emerald than green now, with golden specks in them, in the exact color as the freckles on her nose. Peach colored lips seemed soft, even though they were pressed in a thin, somewhat angry, line.The pale pink scrubs, although quite baggy, did nothing to hide her figure. A womanly figure. The name ‘Swan” fitted her like a glove- she was a majestic creature.

He felt struck, gaping like a fish out of water. Had to shake his head a little, as if getting rid of a fairy dust placed upon him with the Swan spell. Because it had to be some sort of spell, right? There is no such thing as...No, no,no… 

He bit his lip, fighting the urge for a nervous laugh to escape and gripped his jacket in attempt not to scratch himself behind his ear. He was a befuddled teenager in that moment and it was something he had not felt in a very long time.

***

She stopped talking for a few seconds there, when she had heard his relived sigh. She had opted to give him some time to compose himself. When he lifted his head up again, she was prepared to speak, but she met his impossibly blue eyes and found herself voiceless.

He looked at her in a way that made her toes curl and gave her a fuzzy feeling at the base of her stomach. Like she was someone worthy of attention, someone pretty even. Like a prince in one of her mother’s fairy tales books

She shifted her feet uneasily, not entirely sure if she liked what his gaze was doing to her. She shook her head and decided not to think about it. She was probably imagining it anyway. Emma Swan did not deal well with situations like this. It was better to ignore it and focus on her work. Yes work, and the fact that he was a parent of a very unfortunate kid. A irresponsible parent.

She cleared her throat, looking at her notepad. She was not avoiding his gaze, not at all.

“Anyway” she continued in a cold professional tone. “We need him to stay at least 24 hours, or 48 even, for observation.”

Mr Jones nodded his head, while standing up. He opened his mouth to say something.

Emma narrowed her eyes at him and spoke so fast, he was not able to utter a single word. Accents were dangerous too.

“He’ll be moved to his own room in a few minutes. We’ll be still monitoring his vitals and he’ll be on a purifying IV for most of the night.”

She moved towards the ER, not waiting for him to follow. Emma Swan did not show emotions unless she was annoyed.

“He was very lucky the paramedics got to him so fast. The meds he had swallowed could have killed him.” she spoke harshly, turning around to face him, with her hand on the still closed door.

There was something in his eyes akin to fear, which gave her a weird satisfaction.

She saw him swallowing hard and clenching his jaw. Instead of making her more sympathetic, it had just put more fire to her speech. It was easier to be cold to him, it made her forget the warm belly thing, when he looked at her. Yes, anger was easier.

“As a parent you are responsible for your child’s wellbeing, which includes providing him a child safe environment to live in. Medications and small swallowable objects should be properly hidden…”

“I’m quite aware of that. Thank you!” he interrupted her, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He seemed determined to stop her monologue.

Was he even worried about the boy? She was so sure he had been just minutes ago and now he was annoyed because she had hit the nerve? It irritated her even more than she had thought was possible. She tilted her head looking closely at him. She had to compose herself. It might have not been her place to judge him, but she had felt that someone needed to put that man in his place. Arrogant pretty boy with too much self esteem.

She shrugged her shoulders. Why should she care anyway?  
.  
“There is a possibility to stay with him through the night,” she said as she held the door opened.

He had not even had the chance walk through it before she spoke again. 

“You should call his mother so that she could stay with him.” instead was heavily implied. 

He looked at her sharply, his blue eyes narrow and darker than before. His look made her shiver for a moment. His posture straightened up, hands fisted along his suddenly tension-filled body. There was an edge to him now, a dangerous one. It was like seeing a completely different man. A dark one.

“There is no mother,” he announced coldly and walked through the ER door without looking back.

Utterly shocked, she shivered. She felt even more uneasy than before as guilt filled her. This did not go according to the plan. Not at all.

End of Part 2


	3. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is evolving constantly. Unfortunately I have to rethink some parts, because one of my lovely betas informed me of a significant difference between Polish and US health care. I was very important to the story and made some things easier and other harder to plot. I'm not sure when the next part will be posted. Enjoy. A big thank you to my betas: captain-k-jones, zengoalie and o-u-a-timer.

Part 3

Killian slammed the door as he walked into the room, letting his anger get the best of him. It was not because his son did not have a mother. He had made peace with that some time ago. He still felt sad when he thought about her death, it was a painful subject, but grief had left him some time ago. 

His anger stemmed from the way this Emma Swan talked to him. Of course, she was the same as the others. His hands gripped the jacket, he held in them, a little tighter. Why would she be any different? They all had judged him the moment he stepped into the hospital following the paramedics. He could feel their stares, even though he had been distracted. Sometimes, he had a sixth sense, letting him know people were going to judge him. He had been so sure he was immune to them by now. Unfortunately, Emma Swan came into the picture. It’s not like she was the most beautiful women he had ever seen. Killian Jones had known beautiful women before. Very beautiful. Excluding his wife, no other woman’s opinion had ever mattered to him before. Why should Emma’s suddenly matter?

Beauty is deceptive, he thought bitterly. He had learned that a long time ago. Better not waste time on thinking about that Swan doctor.

“Papa?” his son’s voice brought Kilian back to reality, all dark thoughts forgotten.

Liam had been sitting in a chair next to a nurse, trying to calm him down. His bare feet dangled over the tiled floor. Brown curls stuck to his wet face, eyes were red and puffy. Tiny lips trembled at the sight of his father and within seconds the boy broke free from the woman's hold, running towards the door.

Killian threw his jacket on the nearest chair, not really paying attention where it landed. He crouched quickly and caught his son, before Liam’s small body crashed into his legs. His arms closed around the shivering child, holding him tight. Little hands clung to his neck making it a little hard to breathe, but Killian did not untangle himself from the boy’s hold. Cotton clad legs wrapped around his waist in a death grip as Killian attempted to straighten up.

“I’m here, my boy.” His voice cracked while he stroked the small head resting on his shoulder. The wetness on his shirt made his own eyes tear up and he swallowed hard, trying to hold them back. “Everything is going to be just fine.” He rocked his son gently, whispering soothing nothings in the boy’s hair.

An awkward cough interrupted the silence that claimed the room after Liam had thrown himself in his father's arms.

Killian looked up to find a nurse standing before him with a warm smile on her lips. He knew she did not want to interrupt a father-son moment, but the ER was not a place for family time and the room could be needed soon.

“We need to put in an IV” she said softly. “Could you sit with him and help us by calming him down?”

Already feeling calmer himself with Liam in his arms, Killian nodded his head in agreement.

***

Emma followed the distracting man through the ER doors only several seconds later. Her mind was still uneasy, but paperwork needed to be finished before she could go back to the on call room and her dull night. The quicker she dealt with papers, the better. There was no point in dwelling on unwanted guilt. Emma Swan did not do emotions well. He clearly was upset when she gave him that little patronizing speech. Maybe she had misjudged him? She growled in frustration, she hated being misjudged herself. 

When she walked into the room, all of her plans flew out the window. She was totally unprepared for the sight before her eyes.

Killian Jones was holding his son close to his chest. His fancy jacket lay forgotten on the floor next to a plastic chair by the door. Impossibly long dark lashes brushed his cheek and she could have sworn they were damp and he bit his lower lip absentmindedly. He soothed his son whispering sweet nothings into the boy’s hair.

She felt her stomach flip, and she swallowed hard. It was surreal in a way, as though she had left her body. She did not notice a paramedic handing her a sheet of paper, until her eyes had fallen on another document (bureaucracy was a bitch in medical care lately). Emma attached it absentmindedly to her clipboard, while her eyes once again searched the mysterious Mr. Jones’ posture. 

He sat in the chair, still holding his son close to him. Smiling softly, Killian expertly maneuvered Liam in his lap until the boy’s body faced her. She watched him as he lowered his dark head to the smaller one and took a hold of a small hand.

“No, Liam,” she heard him say in a hushed tone. ”This lovely lady here...” his head pointed to petite brunette in green scrubs ”...needs to pinch you in your hand a little.”

The boy tried to pull away from his father, but Killian held firm. Delicate but firm.

“I donwanna,” Liam mumbled, sniffing his nose. Big blue eyes watched his father with fear.

Mr. Jones kissed the his son’s curly head and hugged him.

“I know lad, but it would take just a second. Then, this lovely lady,” he tilted this head towards a blushing nurse disinfecting boy’s little hand, ”will give you a cool tape.”

“How cool?” Suddenly the tears were gone, mouth opened in adorable curious way.

“I don’t know.” Killian looked as if he considered something for moment, lips pouting. “Maybe with Spiderman?” he asked the nurse, while his eyes searched hers. She nodded her head, while she finished putting an IV in Liam’s hand. The boy flinched only a little. Too preoccupied with his father’s voice to notice that the deal was done.

Emma did not notice either. She was too busy watching the scene that unfolded before her eyes. Her heart beat like she had just run miles. She could feel the blood rushing to her head.

Suddenly, she did not see an egotistical jerk in fancy clothes, but a loving father. A father who was taking care of his kid the best way he could. His motherless kid. 

His eyes looked soft, warm, so full of love. She liked them that way. Wanted them to look in similar fashion at her. She wanted him to smile at her with that toothy grin and that scared the crap out of her.

She took in a sharp breath. Curious blue eyes met hers over brown curls, one eyebrow raised in a questioning manner and she knew she had to leave right now or she would be doomed to fall for him. So she turned around rushed out of the room.

***

For some reason he could feel someone watching him. It did not unsettle him like it did most of the time for some reason. It almost felt pleasant, which was a novelty.

Killian raised his eyes over Liam’s head, curiously. He saw mesmerising green ones observing him in a way that made his stomach tighten for a minute. It was an unexpected feeling, if he had to be honest with himself. He thought that his anger would dull it down.

The Swan doctor was standing in the door, in all her blonde glory. This time, she did not look judgmental at all. Uncomfortable, maybe dumbfounded even, but not judgmental. She panicked in response to his questioning gaze, and stormed out of the ER, throwing her clipboard at a confused nurse. Now, that was odd.

“Papa, look.” Liam’s voice broke the spell. Killian looked at his son who was showing him his brand new spiderman tape. He smiled widely at the boy.

“Well that is what you call a tape!” he said, as he tickled his son. Liam giggled happily, making his heart sing.

“Mr Jones?” a soft voice asked.

He smiled at the nurse in pinks scrubs, contrasting with her dark skin perfectly. She must have entered the room without him noticing. There was a colorful name tag, with teddy bears on it, attached to her shirt. Pediatric ward in bold orange italic next to a name in black- Tricia Rapunzel.

“I’m here to take both of you to your room.”

***

The walk to the pediatric ward was a quiet one. Dim lights were just bright enough to let them know where they were going as their steps echoed through empty hallways. It would be faster if Liam had let them seat him in a wheelchair, but he had announced early he was staying with papa. It had it’s advantages because Killian’s son was prone to falling asleep in his arms. 

By the time the party of three had reached room 836, the boy was out, sleeping peacefully in his father's arms. Good thing that Liam had been weighed and measured in wards examination room earlier.

Killian felt uneasy putting Liam to bed. Not that he did not like watching his son sleep. In fact, it was one of his favourite things to do. 

His lad was a troublemaker. He moved with a speed of lightning, always reaching for things he was forbidden to touch, always falling from all the wrong places. Watching him as he slept, had become one of Killian’s favourite parts of the day. He could just admire the softness of Liam’s hair, his chubby cheeks, and pouty lips. His son was a beautiful child, a true cherubin.

Watching him sleep after a day full of fun and laughter was entirely different than watching him now, when he had been connected to all this machinery that checked his vitals. Killian worried if he would wake up again, because despite a successful lavage, there were still hours ahead of them before the doctors could clear them to go home.

He stroked his little head lovingly, knowing he would not be able to fall asleep that night. Even if he did it would have been restless and he would wake up every half an hour to check on his boy.

The nurse bid him goodnight after connecting the drip bag with some medication and left the room. Killian was left with his own thoughts.

He sat down in a chair next to Liam’s bed. Tucked him up again with the plain hospital quilt. He did not know what to do with himself. Dim light of the room did not allow him to read, not that he had a book to entertain him. He did not even know what time it was.

Killian took out his cellphone from his slacks. The flat screen informed him it was near midnight, and that he had several missed calls. He looked at the device curiously. Who could had called him at this hour?

Before he could get an answer to that burning question, the phone had rung again.

“Hello.” he replied tiredly.

“Yes, we are still at the hospital. We are staying for observation.” Killian walked quietly to the other side of the room, to not wake his son.

“He seems to feel better. He is sleeping now.” He rubbed his face slowly, nodding his head to the voice in his cell.

“Yeah... Hey, I need a favor.”

End of Part Three


	4. Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AN: This took some time figuring it out. With vacation coming the updates will be a little chaotic It seems I have a lot to do during this time of the year. A big thank you for captain-k-jones, zengoalie and o-u-a-timer, for beta’ing this.

**Part 4**

 

Emma groaned. She just barely got back to the on-call room when she was called again. This night was crazy, submission after submission. She was so tired. All she wanted to do was drop her head on the desk and have some time to rest a bit. She could have used the couch, but then she would risk falling asleep and leaving a mountain of paperwork unattended, which would lead to an even bigger mountain of paperwork in a few hours.

 

Exhaustion threatened to consume her as she tightened the hold of her hair tie, making sure she looked decent enough to show herself to people.

 

_Another day as an ER doctor_ , she thought to herself, as she made her way towards the reception area.

 

She chose work as an ER pediatrician deliberately. It gave her the opportunity to help others without getting attached to her patients. It was easier this way. She had worked in a ward before. She resigned because a patient she connected with died despite her best efforts to prevent it. The pain of not being good enough to save that little boy’s life was too big, too consuming. The ER gave her the validation she needed as a doctor- she still saved lives; but spared her the heartache. She did not have to deal with false hopes, lost cases, and informing the parents that there was nothing she could do. Sure death happened in the ER, too, but it was less personal. It had been easier to put her heart behind a wall there.

 

Unfortunately, working in the ER meant rushing like a madwoman in the middle of the night to take care of a 15 year old with a light bulb stuck in his mouth. Really? Damn teenagers and their dares. Where were their parents? Did they even check to see what their kid was doing? She did not remember having such ridiculous ideas as a teenager.

 

When she reached the nurses desk in the reception area, she almost crashed in to a skimpily clad brunette. She was an attractive woman. Long legs clad in fishnet tights, jean shorts, and mid calf leather boots. A black leather jacket covered her slim shoulders, but did nothing to hide the impossibly low neckline of her gray t-shirt. But the most striking parts of her were her red stained lips and big blue eyes, framed by heavy make up. A red scarf had almost entangled itself in the straps of a sports bag she was carrying as she rushed through the corridor.

 

Emma wouldn’t have noticed the brunette if she had met her on a street or in a nightclub, but passing by a hospital reception desk in the middle of the night this woman made quite the spectacle.

 

She considered asking Ella, the nurse working behind the desk, about the mysterious visitor. Unfortunately, the charge nurse, approaching her with a resigned sigh, prevented her from doing so. She brought with her news from the father of the ingenious teenager to see the on-call doctor immediately.

 

***

 

“Here you go,” she said, handing him a bag. “I brought everything you have asked for.”

 

Killian took it from her and searched it thoroughly, taking some items out.

 

“Mr. Stuffles?” he asked, raising an eyebrow when he could not locate the stuffed brown one-eared bunny that Liam adored to unexplainable level.

 

“In the side pocket.” A small knowing smile appeared on her red lips.

 

Mr Stuffles was the first thing his late wife bought when she had found out she was expecting. She told Killian that she was not able to stop herself when she saw the little lost unwanted bunny in the toy store. No one had wanted to buy a one-eared bunny, so the staff left it in the discount basket in the darkest corner of the shop. She fell in love with it instantly. Strays, she said, were the ones who loved you the most because they knew the value of being cherished. He had laughed then, but when he could not find a way to calm Liam down on their first night home, he had remembered that lost toy and gave it to his son in a desperate attempt to soothe him. Mr Stuffles had not left his boy’s arms since that night.

 

Killian smiled at these memories. Liam would not be happy if he woke up in an unfamiliar place without his little mascot there with him. He put the bunny into the hospital bed next to his son. The lad grabbed it instinctively by the ear, pulling it closer to him. A satisfied smile graced the boys lips, warming his father's heart.

 

“He really loves that bunny,” he heard her muttering with softness in her voice.

 

“Yes, he does.” His voice was merely a whisper then, as if he was afraid to break the spell cast upon his son.

 

Much to Killian’s surprise, Liam slept peacefully despite all the machines attached to his little body and the IV dripping in a very slow mode. Killian’s heart twisted at that somewhat bittersweet sight. It filled him with hope, but made him anxious at the same time. Killian drew his fingers through the lads curls delicately. He knew the anticipation of potential side-effects of the meds his son swallowed would not let him sleep tonight.

 

“Killian.” His companion put her hand on his shoulder to get his attention. He looked at her a little dazed, so she smiled amused, concern shining in her eyes. “You should take a shower, while I’m here.”

 

He was about to protest, readyind himself to turn her down. Before he was even able to open his mouth, bathing supplies were shoved in his arms. She pushed him off the stool he was sitting on towards the small bathroom attached to the room.

 

“You need to take care of yourself, too, Mister!” Her tone flatly denied him any words of protest. ”I’m capable of watching your son as he sleeps. Now go relax for a few minutes. You need this.”

 

Too tired to protest, he disappeared behind the door.

 

***

 

Emma seemed to be groaning a lot that night. It was almost one in the morning, and she did not have time to sit for more than five minutes. In addition to all of that, she forgot to fill out one of the forms for the Jones’ case. Not that she was surprised, to be honest. The boy’s father had a particular way of getting under her skin, one she did not like at all. Emma vaguely remembered leaving the ER without signing something. She had hoped she had just imagined that situation. She had always been so precise, no paperwork mess-ups, no unsigned documents, everything delivered on time. This time, however, she let her emotions guide her. Something she had promised herself never to do again. All of that had led to her standing before room 836 in the pediatric ward, contemplating whether she should or not enter it.

 

It was late- really late- and the kid was probably already asleep. Maybe she should just turn around and leave, get the paperwork done tomorrow before leaving the hospital after her shift. Damn her luck, she actually had to ask the man to sign something. It was a miracle that they had let him enter the ward without this piece of paper filled out. Then again, it was a new regulation. So maybe they were not so meticulous about it. Yes, she could do it in the morning.

 

She turned around to leave, but the thought of seeing the man in the daylight, probably taking care of his kid so lovingly again, made her stomach tighten with an unpleasant feeling. Good lord, what was happening to her?

 

_Cool it down, Emma_ , she told herself. _Think._

 

The kid should be asleep, but there was a possibility that his father, given the circumstances, was still awake. There was nothing wrong in checking it out. If she could take care of things now, she could go straight home after work and would be free of the man forever. She smiled at that thought- it was worth it to try.

 

Taking a deep breath, Emma raised her hand and knocked.

 

“Come in,” a quiet female voice answered her.

 

Too shocked to think otherwise, she had entered the room and met a pair of blue eyes belonging to the woman she had almost crashed into in the reception area earlier.

 

“May I help you?” the brunette asked curiously.

 

Emma shook her head slightly, trying to clear her thoughts. The woman was definitely an attractive one, beautiful even. Mr Jones’ girlfriend, maybe? He did mention that Liam did not have a mother, so who else could she be?

 

“Yea.” She started clearing her throat slightly. “My name is Emma Swan. I was the pediatrician present during Liam’s admission.”

 

“Ohh.” The brunette stood up from her spot on the chair beside the kid’s bed, rubbing her hands on her jean shorts as if trying to clean them.

 

“I’m Ruby Lucas,” she stated, offering her hand to Emma. “I’m keeping Liam company, while Killian makes himself more comfortable.” Emma took her hand and shook it.

 

“Um, there was this mess-up in paper work. I need Mr. Jones to answer some questions and sign this for me.” Emma bit her lip nervously. Somehow talking to Mr Jones’ potential girlfriend made her more uncomfortable than she would have ever thought it would.

 

“You can wait here for him then.”

 

Ruby seemed to detect her uneasiness, like she could smell it or something. The next thing the pediatrician knew, she was sitting on a chair next to the bed, listening to the unstoppable monologue falling from the brunette red-stained lips, and nodding her head once in a while.

 

“It’s partly my fault you know.” Quietly spoken words caught Emma’s attention. She looked at Ruby curiously. The woman played with the hem of her shorts.

 

“Killian had asked me for help. His babysitter got sick and he had this extremely important business meeting.” The brunette swallowed hard. “He called me asking if he could leave Liam at my grandmother’s, knowing I’d be visiting her that day and I agreed.” She paused for a while.

 

Emma’s heart started to race. She had known she was going to hear something that would shake her resolve not to admire the guy. She was not prepared to hear that. Ruby smiled bitterly and continued:

 

“I got stuck in traffic and Grams was sick. I thought it was just a cold. I had no idea she took heavy meds. When I arrived, Liam had already swallowed the pills.” She put her head in her hands. “I feel so guilty. Killian does all he can to raise the boy all by himself, and I let him down the one time he asked for my help.”

 

_An accident_ , Emma thought, feeling her heart pounding. It was an accident and she had jumped down his throat. She probably would have been kinder to him if she had not labeled him as an irresponsible father. She felt so stupid. He was a single father trying to get by and she took his appearance as a proof of being someone totally different. A womanizing, always partying, jackass, who couldn’t care less about his  child

 

She heard the bathroom door open and an accented voice filled the room.

 

“Ruby, could you…” He stopped when his forget-me-nots eyes caught her wide opened green ones.

 

Droplets of water fell from his damp hair, adorning his impossibly long eyelashes and bringing out the ginger in his stubble. His lips parted in surprise at seeing her there. She felt her stomach doing that stupid dance again. Dressed in a medium grey henley with sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a pair of faded ripped jeans, he looked even more attractive than he had in that fancy suit. In addition, he wore flip flops. Damn it, flip flops should not be hot at all. Yet, somehow they made the man even more desireable.

 

She felt blood rushing to her cheeks. Trying to avoid looking at him, she held her clipboard tighter. For god sake, his girlfriend was sitting right next to her and Emma was almost drooling over the man.

 

**End of Part Four**

 

 


	5. Part 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long. Real life can be a bitch sometimes. Big thanks to my betas: captain-k-jones and o-u-a-timer.:*

**Part 5**

He met her gaze and his world stopped.

Her eyes shined like gemstones in the dim-lit room. A rosy blush colored her cheeks, contrasting with her porcelain skin in a delicious way. Pieces of her hair had fallen out of her ponytail, framing her face like a golden halo. Her scrubs were wrinkled. She looked like she had just got up from bed. Killian blinked, shaking his head a little and took a deep breath. _Beautiful_. The word almost left his lips. His eyes roamed over her figure, taking it all in, bathing in her presence.  For what felt like hours, all he could do was  look at her.

“May I help you, Dr. Swan?” His voice came out huskier than normal. Her eyes widened even more. Lips parted slightly. She looked scared with her uneven breath and trembling fingers clenching the clipboard on her lap. He felt a sudden urge to hold her, to wipe the uncertainty from her eyes. He swallowed hard, desperately trying to clear his mind, and then a thought came to him. _Why was she here anyway?_

“No…” She quickly got up from her chair. Her hands gripped the clipboard so tight that her knuckles turned white. “Actually, I was just on my way out. Good night, Ms. Lucas, Mr. Jones.” She ran out of the room, leaving him confused.

He stared at the doors for a while, willing them to open and reveal the lovely doctor on the other side. A muffled chuckle made him turn his gaze towards other occupants of the room.

Ruby grinned widely. She did not even attempt to hide it, throwing him off completely. Her eyes shone with barely hidden mischief.

“What?” He raised his hands in a defensive move.

Her eyebrow raised teasingly as she stood up from her chair, pointing a finger at him.

“You. Like. Her!”

Killian opened his mouth, ready to deny it. ““What? Ruby! She is Liam’s pediatrician!”

Putting her hands on hips, the brunette smirked at him. Smirked! She leaned towards him.

“That is a lame excuse and you know it.”

It was a lame excuse, he knew it was, but he was caught off guard.

“Besides,” she cut in before he could open his mouth again, “She was the admitting pediatrician. She won’t be taking care of him anymore. There is no ethical obstacle here, so don’t you dare try to look for an excuse!”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Ruby,” he waved his hand at her. “I don’t even know her! Besides, we will be out of here the day after tomorrow and I”ll never see her again. There is nothing to discuss.” Oddly enough, admitting it out loud made him feel sad somehow. “And I’m not looking for an excuse!”

He heard her sigh. When she spoke, her voice was warm and quiet:

“Killian, I’ve known you for a long time. Maybe we have only recently became close, but I have seen how you act around women.” He looked at her with curiosity. Her smile was soft, sad even.

“I haven’t seen you look at someone like that since…” She stumbled over her own words.

Killian avoided her gaze, swallowing hard. Looking into her eyes would not be a good idea at that moment. He felt a warm hand on his shoulder. A gentle squeeze of her fingers comforted him a little.

“Don’t do it to yourself, Killian.” Her voice was barely a whisper. “She wouldn’t want you to be unhappy.”

His heart tightened, but he felt more sad than miserable.

“She would want you to move on, Killian. Liam is not always going to be a little boy. One day, he will grow up and move out. Start a family of his own... She wouldn’t like you to be left alone, brooding over lost chances.”

He knew Ruby was right, but that did not make things easier. Emma Swan was an attractive woman, he would be blind not to notice that. He might have been a little dazed by her, but claiming he...Ridiculous.

She patted him on his back. Her presence comforted him more then her words.

“Just think about it, ok?”

***

_Stupid!_

She ran out of room 836 like a mad woman, almost tripping over the threshold. The door shut behind her with a muffed todd. She slowed down by the nurse’s desk, startled by surprised looks of the personnel chatting there quietly. Netherless, Emma had never left a ward faster in her life.

Her back fell against the glass door, breathing heavily she shook her head. Why was facing this man that hard? It was supposed to be an easy thing to do. Get in, get the forms sign, and get out.

She pushed herself from the cold surface, her hands still trembling. Her walk to the on-call room was vague to say at least. She remembered greeting someone as she walked down the halls, then tripping over some scattered IV stand. She must have looked like a lunatic. Too many emotions swirled in her head, her eyes stung, and she had a headache. She almost slipped on a doormat when she reached the room.

The dim light did nothing to make the room look less sterile. She tried to brighten it once by putting some lost mascots here and there, but it stayed unwelcoming as always. She reached for her coffee mug. The black poison had long gone cold, but the med advertising clock on the wall informed her in its fluorescent digits it was almost 2 am. She would needed a power up to make it through the night. Putting the coffee maker on, Emma sighed and looked longingly towards a small refrigerator hidden next to farmaticals cabinets. She had a craving for hot cocoa with a dash of cinnamon, she would even settle for a lot of milk to add to her coffee. Unfortunately, only straight black could keep her awake and conscious.

The buzz of the machine calmed her enough to think again.

Emma hated feeling out of control. Oh, she had been attracted to men before, it was not a bad thing... mostly. It was dangerous when she could not control it enough to use it to her advantage. It prevented her from sticking to the plan. The plan was to never let a man in again, on whatever level. Feeling like a bashful teenager unable to contain her want was definitely bad. And that was how Mr. Jones made her feel. It was easier to see him as an arrogant peacock. Most handsome men, she knew and had been attracted to, were. Unfortunately, it turned out he wasn’t one of them. Killian Jones was an attractive caring father.

She put her head in her hands and groaned.

_Great!_ He was everything her overactive ovaries needed, reminding her that the clock was ticking. Cause that was it, right? She was an attractive woman with a tremendous career, a great apartment, and all that jazz. All her primal instincts screamed at her to find an alpha male, weave a nest, and ensure her line survival. She hadn't got laid in a while either. That combination led her to act like a teenage girl with a crush. Yes. It had to be that. Besides, he had a girlfriend. A very beautiful one. He was off limits, no matter how much her inner alpha female wanted to jump the man. There was no point in dwelling on the matter. She had to get over herself, hold her hormones on leash, and get the papers done. She would do just that in the morning.

A quiet buzz reminded her about her coffee. She switched of the machine and took her mug in her hands. The hot liquid warmed her palms through ceramic walls. She blew at it a little before adding a teaspoon of sugar and stirring. She looked at the mountain of papers growing on her desk. Another tired sigh escaped her lips as she sat down. Taking a paper from the stack, Emma tried to focus on her work. Blue eyes invaded her mind again.

***

Killian ended up barely sleeping that night. Not only did he go to bed late, but his fear of Liam suffering from any potential side effects kept him up also. Being a father meant that sometimes you were sleep deprived. So when Liam got up early, all sunshine and happiness demanding to play, his father had to get up too.

Chasing your 3-year-old down the hospital hall when you would rather sleep till tomorrow, happens. That was what Killian thought, at least.

He tried to navigate around the ward, one hand holding his son’s smaller one and the other pushing the IV stand. Liam had some fluids prescribed last night, and the last dose of them slowly dripped from the bag that hung on the stand. Unfortunately, toddlers don’t tend to sit in one place for a longer period of time. The lad felt better than yesterday, his fear gone, so he decided to explore his surroundings.

Too occupied with keeping his son safe during his newest adventure, Killian almost crashed into the trash can next to room 836. That's when he saw her.

She stood next to the door, stepping from one foot to the other. Her hair still messy, the ever present clipboard in her hands. She did not wear scrubs today. Just a simple white unbuttoned doctors gown, thrown over casual pink sweater and skinny jeans. It made her look younger somehow.

He looked in her eyes, unconsciously holding Liam’s shoulder to stop him from running. Laughter danced in her eyes and she bit her lower lip in an adorable way. His stomach tightened at that sight, sending a warm feeling through his body.

“Hi.” The word left his mouth before he could stop himself. She smiled and waved her hand at  them. Liam caught his leg, suddenly very shy, all his adventurous spirit gone. Killian’s hand automatically rested on the lad’s head, comforting him.

“How can we help you, Dr. Swan?”

She tilted her head, her cheeks reddening a little.

“Actually, I came here to apologize.” Her voice was filled with uncertainty.

He raised his eyebrow. That surprised him. This shy creature before him was not the woman that almost tore his head off the other day.

“I mean,” she continued, blushing even more, “I was unfair to you yesterday.”

He stroked Liam’s head when the lad moved again, tightening the hold on his leg.

She hugged the clipboard to her chest, biting her lip once again.

“I may have misjudged you.” He wanted to tell her that it was ok. That no harm was done, but she spoke again when he barely opened his mouth.

“In my line of work, I mostly meet irresponsible parents...”

“Not hiding dangerous stuff before their children…” He interrupted and she dropped her head at his words. “It’s ok. I understand.” He spoke to her like he would to Liam when soothing him.

“Miss Lucas told me the whole story.” Of course, leave it to Ruby to spill everything out. “I hate being misjudged myself. So, I’m sorry. My actions were out of line..”

He sighed, not sure how to react to her confession. She clearly was not used to apologizing. She stood there all stiff and uncomfortable, her gaze rooted on the tiled floor. A don’t worry, I’m used to it by now, surely would not help in breaking the tension surrounding them. Killian found himself trying to make this whole thing easier for her, despite being the one who had been at disadvantage in this situation.

“Look, let’s just say I accept the apology and move on.” He proposed.

She smiled brightly at him.

“Thank you. Would you mind if  gave you some advice though?”

Picking up Liam, who pulled on his pants, he nodded his head at her.

“I wouldn’t like to see this little man here again.” She pointed her head at his lad. “So maybe next time, when you have to leave to go on a business meeting, wait for your girlfriend first.”

Killian looked at her flabbergasted.

“Girlfriend? I don’t have a girlfriend.”

**End of Part Five**

 


	6. Part 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always a big thank you for captain-k-jones and o-u-a-timer for looking over this.

**Part 6**

 

_Girlfriend? I don’t have a girlfriend_. His words echoed in her mind. She felt blood rushing to her cheeks.

 

“But I thought Ms. Lucas...” She tried to comprehend his statement. There was no chance that she was wrong once again. Right?

 

“Ruby?” Eyes wide open, he looked at her a little befuddled. “Ruby is just a friend! Why would you think otherwise?”

 

“You said Liam didn’t have a mother.” She looked at the boy in his arms. The kid looked at her through his dark eyelashes, still holding his arms around his father's neck tightly. His gaze was still a little wary, but curious rather than scared. “And Ms. Lucas came here so late…” She wringed her fingers, which was not an easy thing, while holding a clipboard. “I just thought...maybe..” She was digging herself deeper and deeper.

 

Readjusting his hold on his son, Killian smiled at her, his eyes soft and a little teasing.

 

“I am a widower, Dr. Swan.”

 

“Emma.” She automatically corrected him.

 

“Emma.” The way he spoke her name with an emphasis on “ma, a dashing smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eyes, made her heart beat faster. His richly accented voice did not help matters either. Butterflies filled her stomach, and she briefly wondered what possessed her to skip formalities between them. She had no intention to ever do that. Trying to hide her embarrassment, she looked at her own feet.

 

“Well I guess, you should call me Killian then.” His voice was so soft. So soft that for a moment Emma was almost sure she had imagined it. She raised her eyes to look at him. He was smiling at her, the same way he did with his son while trying to soothe him, not only with his lips but with his eyes, too. Good god, who was this man?

 

“A single father needs all help he can get.” Somehow, despite his relaxed expression, she heard  hint of bitterness in his statement. “Ruby is kind enough to help us from time to time, when such need arrives.” He looked at his son with so much love that it made her heart swell.

 

“Though I don’t think you came here to hear about hardships of parenthood.” It wasn’t a question. His tone suggested the he was stating  a  fact.

 

“No.” His straightforwardness helped her to put herself together. She released her death grip of the clipboard. “I actually need you to sign few more papers.”

 

Understanding lit his face.

 

“Ah. The ever-present clipboard.” His raised eyebrow made her feel bothered and fighting giggles at the same time.

 

Killian Jones hugged his son tighter to his chest, a teasing smile still dancing on his lips, and opened the door to the room with his shoulder. She had to admit he was good at handling things on his own.

 

“After you, milady.”

 

Emma had to fight the urge to roll her eyes at him. Smiling at his antics, she walked through the door.

 

***

 

Killian had no idea what possessed him to flirt with the lass. Maybe it was the way her cheeks colored every time she spoke or her out of blue instance to skip formalities. The point was, he hadn't bothered to flirt with anyone since his wife died. Not that he hadn’t met any women interested in him, just that he was not interested in them.

 

Walking with 33 pounds of child in his one arm and pushing the IV stand with the other was tricky, but he had to endure harder situations in his life. Handling an infant’s feeding and sleeping routine all by himself being one of them.

 

Emma walked before him, her posture still a little tense, but her steps were confident. His lad watched her closely, his previous fear of her probably caused by the lavage incident slowly disappearing as curiosity took over. She seemed to sense they were watching her, because she chose the exact moment to turn around. Liam immediately buried his face in the curve of his neck.

 

Killian smiled sheepishly at her.

 

“Sorry about that, love.” Her raised eyebrow made him realize he used the endearment again. He chose to ignore it. ”Liam seems to be quite shy today.” A knowing smile light her face.

 

“It’s ok. Most children are not fond of doctors.” Putting the clipboard aside, she reach into the pocket of her lab coat. “Hi, little buddy.” Her sing-song voice made Liam turn his head a little. ”Look what I’ve got for you.”

 

Smiling brightly, she produced a baby blue teddy bear out of her pocket. It was a fluffy toy, a little worn out on the edges, with a silky bowtie around its neck and shiny black knobs for eyes. The most unusual thing about it was a bald spot, covered with old glue in the place, where a nose was supposed to be.  A perfect toy for his son.

 

The lad twisted in his arms to grab the mascot, making Emma smile even wider.

 

“You like it, huh?” she asked the lad in a child soothing voice, reaching out her hand to Liam. “Come on, Liam, let's introduce your new friend to Mr. Bunny there while your dad signs some stuff.” She pointed towards the bed, where Mr. Stuffles was.

 

His son wiggled out of his embrace, grabbing the doctor's hand. Her fingers tightened around Liam’s while her other hand pushed the IV stand. Killian watched them completely dumbfounded.

 

“That’s not Mr. bunny,” his lad said in a serious tone.” It’s Mr. Stuffles!”

 

“Of course it is.” She nodded at Liam, her face showing the same seriousness. He watched them playing together on the sterile hospital bed, his mouth hanging agape. Her golden head close to Liam’s curly one, both of them laughing at something. She seemed to have the same effect on his son that she had on him, and his lad was not an easy one to win.

 

As if sensing his gaze, she looked up and their eyes met. There was a question in her green depths he was afraid to answer. She tilted her head towards the abandoned clipboard. A gesture that reminded him why she chose to occupy his lad.

 

If someone had asked him later about the forms he signed, he would not be able to tell a thing about them. He was too preoccupied watching Emma Swan playing with his son.

 

“Can I ask you a question?” he said, handing her the clipboard later.

 

She smiled teasingly at him.“You already did, but sure.”

 

“Why did you bring him this toy?” She raised her eyebrows, clearly confused. “I mean why this particular one. The noseless teddy bear?”

 

She shrugged her shoulders. Her fingers intertwined as if she was desperate to do something with them.

 

“I don’t know. I saw your son with the one-eared bunny last night. He seemed to love it, holding it so tight in his sleep…” She avoided looking in his eyes choosing to count the tiles on the floor, it seemed. “And this little fellow there was so sad, sitting alone in my room. I thought… I thought that he may find a good home with you guys.” Her voice was so quiet, so small.

 

His heart started to beat faster as she lifted her eyes to look at him. Vulnerability shining in her depths.

 

“If you can find a place for a broken bunny, why wouldn’t you love a noseless teddy bear?”

 

Somehow he knew they weren’t talking only about mascots.

 

***

 

The lock squeaked when she turned the key in it. She opened the heavy black door, giving it a slight push with her knee. Her arms were full of grocery bags as she entered the dark apartment. Sometimes she wished she had bought a place with windows facing east not west. It was always cold in here when she came back home from working the night shift, always dark, always lonely.

 

Emma sighed, closing the door with her foot. She tiptoed out of her flats and ankle tights, putting the grocery bags on the table next to the entrance. Hands on her back, she tried to stretch herself a little. She was so tired. The last hours were so emotionally draining. She shot her groceries a look, willing them to unpack themselves. Unfortunately, magic was a thing that existed only in fairy tales despite the fact that her mother was trying to convince her otherwise.

 

Her bare feet touched the fluffy cream rug that covered the dark wooden floor. The soft texture soothed her aching feet. She loved that rug. She always felt as if she was walking on a cloud. There were days, when she considered sleeping on it, just to check out if it really was as comfortable for her body as it was for her feet.

 

A soft purr and a brush over her calf brought her back to reality. Big green eyes looked at her with anticipation and reproach. She did come back home later than usual. Emma smiled and kneeled down to pet the ginger fur of her accuser.

 

“Hello, Tinkerbell.” She touched the cat’s back once more. Tinkerbell shot her a look again. “I know, I know I’m late.” Emma smiled at the feline. “I’ve brought you something.” That earned her another purr and a demand to be petted as Tinkerbell pushed her head into Emma’s palm.

 

She stood up, smiling at her pet again. The groceries needed to be put away anyway. She strolled towards the kitchen counter with Tinkerbell following closely behind, a little bell on the cat's collar dingling happily with its every move. It brushed against Emma’s legs the whole time, she was putting items to their designated places.

 

“Here you go.” She opened a new bag of cat foot and put it onto a silver bowl next to refrigerator. Tinkerbell took care of it immediately.

 

Emma smiled. She loved her cat but the feline was a loner, an individualist, who walked her own path. Sometimes she wondered if there Tinkerbell needed her at all.

 

She took a bit of a poptart as she walked towards the bedroom. She wanted nothing more than to get out of her clothes, maybe take a shower and sleep off the entire shift.

 

Her gaze landed on a wooden box on her nightstand. A present from Walsh. She did not know why she kept that thing. It was not tacky or anything. Actually it kind of reminded her of Grandma Ruth’s things, but it was not her style either. More proof that her ex did not know her at all.

 

He’d never put any effort in to get to know her, when she thought about it. He took her to all these auctions and parties to show off his doctor girlfriend, never actually caring enough to ask her if she wanted to spend her every free weekend kissing some awfully rich asses. So when she finally announced she wouldn’t be going anywhere with him one Saturday evening, he threw a fit and accused her of being a selfish bitch. Their relationship did not survive that fight and she was glad now that it didn’t. But she had loved him, for whatever reason. Maybe she was just lonely after Graham left and Walsh seemed like a good option at the time. An antique dealer with his own business, busy enough not to push her into a commitment she wasn’t ready for.

 

She opened the box. There were only two items there: a shoelace and a swan pendant. Both of them a reminder of her disastrous love life or rather the lack of it. Her fingers traced the pattern on the pendant. It still hurt. Even after so many years. She quickly shut the lid, her eyes stung from unshed tears.

 

Why did memories flood her mind today of all days? Emma could spend weeks not thinking about her relationship failures, losing herself in routine of life. Why was she suddenly reliving these moments again?

 

A shower seemed to have more appeal now than before. She needed to get rid of unpleasant thoughts. Standing before the mirror, she untangled her hair from the elastic band. Her eyes watered. Graham had tied it once with his spare shoelace. They were on some road trip he loved so much and her elastic broke. She hated having her hair down when the sun was trying to burn her alive, so he stopped the car and took out his ever present rescue box, magicing a shoelace to fix her problem. It was the first time a man had taken care of her, responded to her needs. It had scared and excited her at the same time. For the first time ever, she felt worthy of a man’s affection.

 

Emma sniffed and rubbed her eyes with her fists. What’s wrong with her today? Her knuckles turned white as she held on to the sink in her bathroom. She seemed to be reliving every bit of her life she was desperately trying to forget. There was a voice on the edge of her consciousness, telling her, she knew exactly why.

 

**End Of Part Six**

 

 


	7. Part 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know everyone is waiting for more interaction between Emma and Killian. I promise we are getting there. “Be patient”. It will be worth it. I’m going away for a vacation to Norway this Tuesday, so I’m not sure, when the next chapter will be out.As always a big thank you captain-k-jones and o-u-a-timer for all your help.

**Part 7**

 

He almost tripped over the cleaning lady. Mumbling a silent apology to the older woman and trying to avoid crashing into other people, Killian ran down the hall. His son’s curly head had just disappeared around the corner. Only the lad’s happy giggles could be heard.

 

_Bloody hell._ Liam was getting faster and faster these days, especially when his father turned around to do something else. One minute Killian was talking through phone to one of his employees and eyeing the lad playing on the bed with his mascots. In the next, Liam had run out of the room before his parent could react.

 

So it lead to a chase full of jumping over mops, trying not to bump into people, and ‘excuse me’s’. Well that was the way father and son spent most of the day, after a lovely redhead nurse (Ariel was her name, wasn’t it?) kindly removed the empty IV bag, disconnecting Liam from the stand, setting the little one free.

 

Luckily enough, this particular time, the lad had dived into the common room, so his father found him rather quickly as the three year old was climbing on the chair to reach for some crayons. Unfortunately the jug in which they were put in, was out of Liam’s reach. The crayons fell out of the container, creating an artistic pattern on the wooden table. A few almost touched the floor, but Killian caught them before they hit it.

 

He lifted his head up, ready to scold his boy, but Liam smiled brightly holding out a purple crayon to him.

 

“Draw a car. Daddy!” The bright smile on his son's face, so different from the expressions Liam wore yesterday, melted Killian's heart. “A purple car, Daddy! Please!” With all thoughts of putting the lad in his place now gone, he smiled. Sighing, he took the colored pencil from his son’s little fingers  and made soft strokes with it on the piece of paper that Liam had magically produced. It was always purple cars with him.

 

_Best sign the lad is getting better_ , he thought.

 

The said lad was currently occupied with drawing roads for the cars Daddy would draw him. Biting his tongue, he was trying to make straight lines on the paper, which resulted in rainbow-colored zigzags.

 

Thankful for a quiet moment, Killian smiled. It was harder these days to keep up with his son. Sometimes he wondered if things would be different if Liam had a mother. His heart sunk a little. Normally his thoughts would not wander in that particular direction, but when he saw all the mothers staying with their children in the ward… He shook his head. There was no point in dwelling on their situation. What happened, happened.

 

So why was it that this thought kept coming back to him today? The thought, that his son still could have a mother. A mother in every aspect he needed, just not related to the lad by blood.

 

***

 

Emma woke up to the first bar of her favourite song. She reached out her hand, trying to feel her phone on the nightstand without opening her eyes. The sound was getting louder and louder as the song progressed. The phone fell down on the carpet, ruining her efforts to stay in bed. She groaned and rubbed her eyes in attempt to remove the sleep from them.

 

The song reached the guitar solo. Thanks to persistence of the caller, she could precisely tell who was calling her before she picked up her phone. The blinking image of widely smiling brunette labeled MOM, confirmed her suspicions. She briefly looked at time, 3 pm, before answering.

 

“Hi, Mom!”

 

_“Emma, I didn’t wake you up did I?”_ She felt the urge to roll her eyes. Her head hurt from waking up too soon.

 

“No, Mom. I was meaning to get up anyway.” The lie left her lips effortlessly. There was no point of telling the truth anyway. It did not stop her mother from calling at inappropriate times before. Why should it stop her now? ”I was just going to warm up yesterday's leftovers.” She then got up and headed towards the kitchen.

 

_“Emma, you need to eat healthy. No more take outs… ”_ Her mother’s patronising tone made her roll her eyes again, which wasn’t easy when she held her phone to her ear with her shoulder. Listening to her mother's ramblings, she tried to balance the plastic container she took out of the refrigerator and put it in the microwave. _”...I can make you something and bring it to you.”_

 

“Mom, I am an adult. I can take care of myself. Besides, it’s a vegetable roast I made myself.” She tried to not sound irritated, she really did, but the constant nagging got on her nerves every time. The microwave hummed.

 

_“I know, honey, but I am a mother. I always worry. You will understand when you become a mother one day.”_ Emma sighed. Here it goes again. Another motherly speech for her to listen to. _”Have you met someone, Emma?_ ” The beep that announced the roast was ready saved her from answering. What was she supposed to say anyway? She opened the device just as her mother decided she had waited long enough for an answer.

 

_“Regina is getting married.”_

Emma almost dropped the container. “Really?” she asked weakly. “I thought she was happy on her own…” Her cousin was always a cold one, treating men as toys rather than partners. Well, maybe not always. She was different before Daniel died.

 

_“Oh, yes!”_ The enthusiasm in her mother's voice made her stomach twist. _“She met this charming widower with a six-year-old son...”_

 

_Widower with a son_. Emma’s heart started to beat faster suddenly. She shook her head, almost dropping the phone on the kitchen tiles. She strengthened her hold on the phone, pushing it closer to her ear with her shoulder and tried to move her food on the plate, only half listening to her mother's ramblings.

 

_“They don’t want to wait. The wedding is in three months. If I hadn't known any better, I would say she is pregnant.”_

 

“Mom!” She rarely raised her voice at her mother, but she had her limits. Regina's infertility was a delicate subject and not of anyones business.

 

_“I know, honey, I know.”_ Emma mother's voice was dismissing, and in her mind Emma could see her waving her hand as if it was nothing. _“Anyway, they booked this lovely place…”_ She focused on eating. Clearly the stream of worlds falling out of the elder woman’s mouth would not cease for some time. She focused on eating the roast, nodding from time to time or muttering an absentminded yeah, until one sentence made her stomach flop. _“You should bring Walsh with you.”_

 

“Mom!” the word came out in a  panicked shriek. Emma cleared her throat. “I told you we’re not dating anymore. We broke up almost a year ago.”

 

_“I know, but he was such a charming young man and such a gentleman...”_

 

_Gentleman, my ass_. She did not say it out loud. What left her mouth was much more composed. “He was a gentleman when it suited him. You know all he cared about was my doctor status.”

 

_“Well, Graham cared about you and you still broke up with him…”_ Emma pinched the bridge of her nose, irritation filling her.

 

“It was a mutual broke up. We wanted different things.” She tried to calmly explain, for the hundredth time it seemed.

 

_“Emma, he didn’t want you to overwork yourself…”_ Her mother always defended Graham, making her feel like a villain in their story.

 

“Mom. He wanted me to quit my job, when he knew I loved working in the ER. He pushed for something I was not ready for.” Her head started to hurt.

 

_“Having a private practice would not have been such a bad idea…”_

 

“Mom, please stop! I wasn’t ready!” She could hear her own voice getting higher. “He wanted me to be more of a housewife, going to work in scheduled hours. I wanted to save lives.”

 

_“Okay. Okay, but at least he was not like that spoiled brat, Neal, who almost got you jailed because of his daddy issues...”_

 

Suddenly, she lost her appetite altogether. She could not believe her mother would go there.

 

“Mom,” she said weakly. “I’m tired. We’ll talk some other time.” She could her her mother trying to say something. “I’ll call you. Bye.” Turning off her phone, she finished the call, not letting her mother say her goodbyes. She loved her mother but sometimes… Sometimes she wished she could have more tact. Mrs. Swan’s overwhelming need to see her in a relationship was suffocating.

 

The kitchen seemed darker than before. The roast looked cold and unappealing. She poked it with a fork while she felt Tinkerbell rubbing herself against her legs. The cat purred softly and she patted its head. Despite the feline’s best efforts to cheer her up, Emma felt even more tired than before her nap.

 

Tears began to fall down her cheeks. She could not stop them, didn’t even try. What was the point? Somehow, while trying to prove to everyone that she was a strong independent woman capable of being happy just by pursuing her career, she ended up tired and lonely.

 

She left the unfinished dinner on her kitchen table. Letting her feet guide her, she strolled towards her bedroom. She slid under the covers, pulling them tightly around herself. Her sobs got even harder and soon she cried herself to sleep, trying once again to forget the man, who shattered her belief in love- her first boyfriend, Neal Gold.

 

***

 

Soft breathing could be heard in the dimlit room. Liam was fast asleep after an exhausting day. Killian was exhausted, too, but once again he found himself unable to close his eyes.

 

His little boy would probably be cleared to go home tomorrow and that was a good thing. A great thing actually. Yet, somehow Killian didn’t feel as happy at the prospect as he thought he would. He felt relieved, that’s for sure. However, there was this tightness present in his stomach, when a certain blonde doctor filled his thoughts. He wanted to leave the hospital and yet, he didn’t.

 

He drew a hand through his hair in frustration. He knew he wanted to see her again. Blasted Ruby had been right, Killian did find Dr. Swan attractive. Very attractive. There was a pull between them. The kind that made fingers shoot sparks at the barest touch, stomach flipping at a simple look in the eyes and heart skipping a beat because of a smile. He only felt it once before, with his wife, but even then the attraction was not as intense when they had first met.

 

Maybe all of it was not real. Maybe he was just lonely, wanting a partner to help him raise Liam. She was good with kids. Her interactions with Liam this morning were more than a great proof of that. All the women that showed interest in him before were wary of his son to say the least. Emma was not. She knew how to talk to the boy, how to make him smile. Then again, she was a pediatrician and weren't they supposed to be like that? Yes, it was probably only for her.

 

_She gave him a noseless teddy bear_. A voice in his head reminded him. Did she do that with every patient? Probably...then again, Liam was not her patient anymore when she’d done that. So maybe that was not the case.

 

Killian shook his head. No, that wasn’t the case. Plus, he did act like a befuddled teenager before he saw her interacting with the lad. If he had to be honest with himself, he was scared, terrified really. Terrified to think what this attraction could mean. Did she feel it, too? He thought she might. Then again, it could be just his imagination. What if she did like him, too? Should he try to find her tomorrow and try to ask her out? Or should he just let things go? He felt lost.

 

He loved his wife, he really did. He thought they had something special. Something he would never have after her death. He hadn’t even been looking for it, no woman was interesting enough to give it a second thought. Was it even possible for him to fall in love again?

 

He rubbed his eyes as his head started to hurt. His hair was a mess, from constant touching, clothes were ruffled. All that he could think of was her smiling face. Her golden locks begging to draw her fingers through them, her eyes shining with emotions. He wanted to see them full of happiness, laughter, desire maybe. Either way, he was a bloody mess.

 

**End of Part Seven**

 

 


	8. Part 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this update took longer than usual but you know vacation and stuff. My writing got little rusty. Then I have rewritten this thing several times. Hope you’ll like it. As always a big thank you for captain-k- jones and o-u-a-timer. You girls are the best.

**Part 8**

Killian was listening to doctor intently when he spotted Ruby at the door. She’d snuck into the room soundlessly as only she could do. Sometimes he wondered if she was even human with that ability to move silently and her bat hearing. She could hear and repeat a conversation she was interested in even in a room full of people chatting loudly. He noticed a duffle bag hanging from her leather-clad shoulder. He nodded his head towards her in a welcoming gesture. She smiled toothily at him and headed towards Liam in long silent steps like a predator approaching its prey. Maybe she was one. Her smile did look wolvish. His son was too focused on playing with his new mascot to see her until she jumped on the bed next to him. She tickled him mercilessly and the room filled with the lad’s happy giggles.

 

“The discharge documents should be ready in an hour. You...” Ruby’s and Liam's actions seemed to make the doctor lose his train of thought for a moment. Killian smiled at the fellow’s confusion. The man seemed so focused and professional before. Why would he stop talking all of a sudden. Giggling children should be as common for him as daily bread. He was a pediatrician after all.

 

Suddenly suspicious, Killian followed the man's gaze. Ruby was sitting on the hospital bed, next to his lad, throwing the doctor one of her flirty looks. Complete with a seducing smile and hair twirling around her finger. A smirk found its way to his lips. The doctor's mouth hung agape, his breathing heavy. The poor fellow did not stand a chance. Ms. Lucas crossed her legs slowly and, thanks to the look on the doctor’s face, Killian finally understood why was she wearing shorts in autumn. Well shorts with the addition of black tights and lots of leather.

 

Feeling slightly amused, he cleared his throat in hope of bringing the attention back to him. The man did not react. Killian tried again, louder this time. He still didn’t get a response. Maybe a different approach was needed.

 

“Dr. Whale?” he tried. Still nothing.

 

“Dr. Whale?” he said louder. Loud enough to make the passing nurse stop in the midst of her rounds to look into the room.

 

Hearing his name this time, the man blinked rapidly. His eyes looked dazed, like he had just come back from a different planet.

 

_Yep, totally didn’t stand the chance._

 

“You were saying?” Killian voiced his thoughts slowly, emphasizing  the question with a nonchalant wave of his hand.

 

“Right.” The man shook his head as if trying to clear his mind. “Fortunately, we have a lot of free rooms at the moment.” He shot Ruby a quick look  before looking back at Killian. “So unless there will be a massive amount of admittances today, you can stay here till the discharge papers are ready.”

 

Killian nodded his head. offering his hand to the doctor to shake. Dr. Whale's eyes kept wandering towards the brunnette, which was starting to get a little annoying.

 

“Thank you, Dr. Whale,” he said, giving the man a firm handshake. The strength of his grip could have broken the fellow’s fingers and maybe that was what got the pediatrician’s attention.

 

“Yes.” The man's posture straighten up. “Well, I was just doing my job, Mr. Jones.” He dropped Killian's hand and headed towards the door. “I will deliver the paperwork as soon as possible.” Dr. Whale shot Ruby one last look and left the room.

 

Smiling, Killian shook his head. A smirk still lingered on his lips as he turned to his friend.

 

“Really, Ruby?” He pointed an accusing finger playfully towards her. “Couldn’t you leave the poor fellow be?” He desperately tried to hide the laughter in his voice. One look at Ruby’s twinkling eyes proved it did not succeed.

 

“Why?” She asked innocently, still playing with her hair. “Just because you won’t live a little doesn't  mean I can’t. ”

 

He started to open his mouth to retort but closed it rapidly. What could he possibly say to that? She was right. He was not living. The last three years of his life were about surviving, not living. He struggled to be the perfect father, the perfect boss, the perfect businessman, the bloody perfect everything he could think of.

 

Ruby must have sensed his uneasiness, because she quickly turned the conversation on a different track.

 

“I see you are already packed.” She pointed her head towards the bag next to Liam's bed. “So, why was I needed so urgently? And why did you make me carry this thing?” She patted the bag hanging on her shoulder.

 

“Yeah. Sorry about that.” He scratched behind his ear. A nervous gesture, which mostly appeared when he was embarrassed about something. “I thought we would spend another day here and when the doctor came with his rounds you were already on your way...I had a tough night and completely miscalculated the time we had spent here.”

 

Ruby raised her an eyebrow, disbelief filled her blue eyes. She started to open her mouth when  Liam snached the bag out of her grasp.

 

“Mr Stuffles and Blue can hide here!” He almost shoved the blue teddy bear in Ruby’s face. “See, Auntie Ruby.”

 

Killian had to admit that she had a great reflex as she caught the mascot before his son was able to hit her in the face with it. She didn’t even blink. Instead of being angry at the lad, like some of his babysitters had been, she smiled at him.

 

“That is such a pretty bear!” Her voice sounded really excited. “It’s new, isn’t it? Wherever did you get it from?” She asked the lad, tracing the yellow spot where the nose should have been with a thoughtful expression.

 

“Emma give it to me!” Liam exclaimed proudly, almost jumping up and down.

 

“Oh, really? Emma?” Her eyebrow raised once again as she looked straight at Killian. If that was not a sign that the question was not directed to the lad, a crooked smile she shot him at the same time did.

 

Trying to avoid her gaze, he studied the pattern of tiles on the hospital floor. There was not much to study.

 

“Killian?” Her voice sounded too sweet for his liking. “How did Liam get a toy from _Emma_?”

 

He could feel the blood rushing to his ears. Bloody hell. Ruby would never let him live through this.

 

“She kind of drop by the other day.” He scratched his behind his ear again. “There were some papers I apparently forgot to sign.” It was not a lie, not really. It was the truth, just from the different point of view.

 

“Riggght…” She did not sound convinced, not at all.

 

Searching for to deflect further questioning, Killian headed towards the door.

 

“I’m going to buy something to eat at the cafeteria. Want something?”

 

“No thanks. I’m gonna wait with Liam here for the good doctor.” Ruby smiled innocently. “Don’t worry, I will text you when he arrives.”

 

He shook his head. Ruby and her conquests.

 

“Say hi to Emma from me”. He stopped dead in his tracks. His heart started to beat faster. _Why would she say that?_

 

“Oh and Killian” He turned back to look at her. Her blue eyes were soft. “It would be good if you follow your own advice for once.”

 

He knit his brows in confusion.

 

“Which is?”

 

She smirked at him, eyes shining with mirth.

 

_“A man unwilling to fight for what he wants, deserves what he gets.”_

 

***

 

Emma sat at the hospital cafeteria table. Well sat was an understatement. She had almost laid down on it. Her elbow rested on the flat surface supporting her head held in her palm. Her eyes were half closed as she stirred the hot liquid in her cup with her other arm. She massaged her temple, trying to soothe the throbbing headache.

 

On days like this she really hated the ER.

 

Her day had started awfully enough with car accident victims just two minutes into her shift. Fortunately, the two kids only had several broken bones, but one of them was brought in unconscious. She feared the worst. Thank God the kid managed to wake up on his own after only a half of an hour. Then there was a suicide attempt. A teenage girl who swallowed her mother's sleeping pills. She was brought conscious and they managed to lavage her pretty quickly. The girl was not a problem (as far as you could call a suicide attempt not a problem), but her father was. He demanded the best doctor the moment he entered the hospital. Started to giving her orders the second she came in and accused her of being incompetent when she did not follow them. She almost threw him out of the ER room. If it wasn’t for the man's wife, she would be in serious trouble now. That moron had  threatened to sue her!

 

It was only 10 am and she felt exhausted already. Maybe it was the time for a change. Working on the ward or having her own practice had became more reasonable to her in the last few months. Her eyes closed on their own accord and she let out a deep sigh. Yes. it was time to change some things.

 

“Bad day?” A deep accented voice interrupted her thoughts. Emma opened her eyes to the sight of the blue orbs that had invaded her dreams for the last 24 hours.

 

There he was. Killian Jones standing in all his dashing glory, smiling cheekily at her. Her heart fluttered in her chest. She thought the man could not get anymore attractive than he already was. Aparently, she had been wrong. So wrong.

 

His hair hung over his forehead, ruffled as if he had just woken up. Bed hair. The dark blue flannel he wore over the cream henley brought out his eyes making them seem darker somehow. He held a styrofoam coffee cup and a bagel bag in one hand. Her gaze drifted lower… and of course he would wear ripped jeans. _What else would fit a flannel shirt? Suit trousers?_ She was just about to look for those sexy flip flops when an unsure “Emma?” left his lips.

 

“Huh?” Now that was an eloquent response.

 

He bit his bottom lip, still smiling. Pink blush stained the tips of his ears when their eyes looked again and Emma briefly wondered if maybe she was staring too much. He was stepping from foot to foot after all.

 

“Sorry.” She shook her head quickly and sighed. ”Actually, you're right. I’m having a terrible day.”

 

Aparently, he took it as an invitation because the next thing she knew he slid into the stool before her, clearly intending to continue the conversation. If a few exchanged words could  be called a conversation, that is.

 

“What’s that?” He pointed to her mug after putting his things down. “Doesn't look like coffee,” he decided after sniffing the content.

 

The corners of her mouth rose in amusement.

 

“Of course not.” He looked at her with curiosity shining in his eyes. ”It’s a hot cocoa.” Her voice lowered as her lips formed a small, sad smile. “My comfy drink.” She added averting her gaze. She stirred the liquid once more. The whipped cream had already melted and there was no steam coming from the mug. Her cocoa had gone cold. She must have spent a lot of time thinking before Killian came to join her. Killian, who now sat across her, focused his eyes on something he saw beyond the window. His hands wrapped around. the coffee cup as if in attempt to warm them. The silence that appeared between them was, to Emma’s surprise, a comfortable one. Not a bit of awkwardness and that surprised her.

 

“It must be hard.” She heard him say, his gaze still fixed on the glass. “To look at children suffering almost every day.” He looked in her eyes, his own so serious. ”I don’t think I could do that...Seeing my son on the verge of losing consciousness, not being able to help him...I haven’t felt so helpless in a long time.” He swallowed hard. and she could see his eyes getting misty. “To know that that sometimes, you can do nothing to save them, despite all your knowledge how to help people, must be…” He stopped like he couldn’t find a right way to explain his feelings. It was odd. Now, she wanted to comfort him.

 

“It’s not so bad mostly,” she said. “It’s not exactly like you get used to the stuff, it’s just that...” He held such an intensive look and Emma shrugged in her place. “I have chosen to work in the ER to avoid getting attached. To make losing a patient less painful, to avoid heartache.” Suddenly, she felt like she could trust him. Tell him about what bothered her. It was a scary thought. So she did what she alway did, left some things unsaid in hopes he wouldn’t pressure her.

 

He didn’t. He waited patiently for her to continue, understanding  shining in his eyes.

 

“It worked for a while. Let me avoid some of pain, in more ways than I thought it did.” She whispered. It wasn’t just about the patients, she realised. She tried to protect her heart from all feelings. Only it had stopped working. There was some poetic irony in it.

 

“But it doesn't work anymore, does it?” Somehow she felt that thought was more directed at himself then her. The sorrow reflecting in his eyes seemed to confirm that.

 

”I have started to feel tired. Tired of irresponsible parents.” He smirked at that, making her smile, too, all signs of his brooding stare were gone. Her distraction worked and she felt a little lighter because of it. ”Yeah, that.” She smirked, too. “Plus the constant adrenaline and stress. I always have to be on alert. I thought emotional attachment was exhausting and it was, but in a way I was happy then.” She was.  She just wasn't ready to embrace it, so she did what she was best at and ran. “I think I am in a place when I want to change things.”

 

Suddenly, she felt stupid for sharing all of this with him.

 

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have bothered you with this.” Blushing she put a strand of hair behind her ear. A nervous habit of hers.

 

“Don’t be. I asked.” Killian wave his hand absentmindedly, his gaze warm. “I've been informed recently that change is good. So might as well try it on my own.” There was something strange in his voice, something that pulled a silent string in her heart. Something akin to longing. What did he long for? She suddenly really needed to know the answer to this question. It seemed they were more similar than Emma had previously thought.

 

She saw him opening his mouth to say something else, when his trousers buzzed silently. Taking out his phone, he shot her a bashful smile. His eyes scanned the display and he frowned a little.

 

“Looks like I’m being called.” His voice was so quiet, she almost  did not hear him.

 

Killian rose from his chair, his movements slow as if he didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want him to leave either.

 

He took a few steps towards the exit and stopped, turning to face her again. He looked at her in a particular way, pensive, obviously procrastinating the moment of his departure, contemplating his next move. That made her blush.

 

“Go out with me.” He blurted.

 

**End of Part Eight.**

 

 


	9. Part 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always a big thank you for captain-k-jones and o-u-a-timer. You’re the best.

**Part 9**

 

“Go out with me.”

 

Her mouth almost hit the floor. He could not possibly mean it, could he? She must have misheard him. Yes, she misheard him. She was sure of it. But she tilted her head to the side and caught his gaze. If she had misheard him, then why was he looking at her in that particular way, in a manner that made her heart beat incredibly fast? So fast, she was sure it would break out of her chest and fell to his feet. She shook her head, desperately trying to think of something to say to him.

 

“Are you…” She swallowed hard. “Are you asking me on a date?” Her voice came out a lot more high-pitched than she’d intended.

 

A slight blush covered his cheeks under her questioning gaze. He tilted his head as his hand found its way to the back of his neck and long fingers scratched a spot behind his ear. He looked at her through his incredible long dark lashes, biting his bottom lip. His blue eyes seemed darker somehow, his expression bashful and hopeful at the same time.

 

“It appears so.” He sounded strangely shy.

 

“Why?” It was not the most intelligent question to ask, but she really felt confused. Why would a guy like him, who she was a total bitch to, want to go out with her? She was not that interesting and he was...well...hot. Insanely hot.

 

His hand dropped and he considered her for a moment, searched her eyes with his questioning gaze. Like he wasn’t sure what was she asking him about.

 

Emma shook her head, yet again. Why did this man leave her unable to construct a simple sentence?

 

“I mean… why would you want to go out with me?”

 

He shrugged his shoulders, like he was trying to think of a good way to answer her.

 

“Why not?”

 

She shot him a pointed look. _Really?_ That was what he was going with?

 

“Look,” he said, scratching his neck again. “You seem different. No, I know you are different than most women I had a pleasure of meeting recently.” His eyes were sincere. “It would be my greatest pleasure if you granted me with the honor of getting to know you better.” Astonished with his flowery speech, she opened her mouth to say something but he wouldn’t let her, determined to finish his thought. “Seeing as a possibility of a next chance meeting between us is rather slim, I decided to… to take a leap of faith, so to speak.” He smiled at her again. That shy adorable smile lifted the corners of his mouth up. His eyes were vulnerable, full of hope. “So what do you say, Emma Swan? Will you go out with me?”

 

She felt the blood rushing to her cheeks. Her hand found its way to the side of her face and she put the loose strand of hair behind her ear. She averted her eyes, his gaze suddenly too intense for her. At the moment, the floor seemed more interesting to look at or safer at least. Did she even wanted to go out with him? He was handsome, that was for sure, but she’d known handsome men before. Then again, they’d had a interesting conversation just a moment before and she got an impression he understood her in some unexplainable way.

 

“Okay.” Her voice came out small and quiet, scared even, and she was terrified.

 

Emma felt the urge to smack herself over the head. Great. Now she was acting like a schoolgirl with a crush, a blush staining her face and fumbling on her words. High five for being an eloquent adult woman. She needed to pull herself together.

 

***

 

Killian was starting to get nervous. Normally, at least from what he remembered from his bachelor days, a woman would say yes or no, not dwell on his reasons for asking her out. Yet Emma Swan seemed different in that matter. Waiting for her answers felt like years, while he was sure it as mere seconds, maybe a minute. So when he heard a quiet _okay_ , he nearly collapsed from relief.

 

Trying to determine if he hadn’t misheard her, his eyes roamed her face. Her gaze was was still fixed on the cafeteria floor.

 

“Okay. I will go out with you,” she said louder. Her voice sounded more confident now, her posture straightened and there was something akin to determination shining in her eyes when she finally looked at him.

 

“Give me your phone.” He heard her say as she reached out her hand towards him.

 

Too shocked to question her, Killian put the device into her palm. Sparks teased his fingertips and, suddenly, he realised that they hadn’t touched before. His head shot up to met her  surprised gaze. She took the phone quickly from him and the tingling feeling disappeared. The harshness of moves clearly indicated she felt it, too. The spark.

 

A frown appeared on her lovely forehead, probably in concentration, as her fingers danced over the touch screen of his smartphone, trying to determine the correct sequence of clicks.

 

“I don’t have a schedule of my shifts for the next month.” Her slim fingers hit the screen at a faster pace. “Someone got sick and they have to rewrite it.” A smile graced her lips as she finished typing.  She handed him his phone back. ” I will know it by the end of the week. Call me and we can discuss the details.”

 

A cheeky smile found its way to his face when he took the device from her. Suddenly, the world seemed a brighter place.

 

***

 

He vaguely remembered the way he returned to the hospital room his son occupied. He did remember signing some papers and going home with Ruby and Liam, but if someone had asked him for detail he wouldn’t be able to provide them with any. He must have had a goofy smile plastered on his face the whole drive home because Ruby kept throwing him curious looks. That he did, strangely, remember.

 

The rest of the day passed in astonishing speed and before he knew it, Liam was soundly asleep in his own bed and he was putting the laundry into the washing machine. With the tension of last three days gone, Killian had finally found time to relax. The only problem was that he could not focus on anything.

 

He tried to watch a movie, but there was nothing interesting on Netflix. His music collection didn’t look all that appealing to him and, oddly enough, he didn't feel sleepy at all. His thoughts kept coming back to the smartphone he’d left on his nightstand. It tempted him, laying there peacefully, waiting for him to reach it. The fact that he could see the nightstand from his spot on the living room couch didn’t help matters either.

 

He’d stood up, headed towards it, and turned back three times. He ran his hand through his hair in frustration as a heavy sigh escaped his lips. Shooting the device a harsh look, he tried to read a book he abandoned the previous week. Nope, he still could not concentrate. He felt like a bloody teenage boy, debating whenever to call or not the girl he had a crush on. Did he have a crush on Emma Swan?

 

 _Screw it._ He was a bloody adult. Not some young lad trying to ask out his first love. Determined to actually do something other than thinking, he stood up from the couch and headed to the bedroom in several long strides. He quickly picked up the phone from its resting place and checked the recent operation.

 

There it was. A new contact labeled with a simple Swan. Sitting on his bed, Killian smiled. She must have forgotten to add her name when she typed her number into his phone. Maybe she was as anxious about it as he was.

 

 _Swan._ It suited her. Pressing the call button, he laid down on his bed. His hand found its way to support his head against the pillow as he waited for the signal of outgoing call, as he waited for Emma to pick up.

 

 _“Hello?”_ Her curious voice filled his ear and he felt calmer.  A small smirk graced his lips.

 

“Good evening, Swan.” The thickness of his own voice surprised him a bit.

 

 _“Killian?”_ he heard her ask.

 

“The one and only.” Somehow he imagined her rolling her eyes at that moment. He wasn’t sure why because he had never seen her doing that, but it felt right somehow.

 

 _“I thought you were going to call next week. And it’s Emma, you know.”_ She sounded...flirty.

 

He licked his lower lip playfully before answering her.

 

“I had to check if the number you gave me was actually a good one.” He heard her smirk. “And you labeled yourself Swan in my phone...”

 

 _“Oh, really?”_  Playful, he liked that.

 

“Oh, yes,” he flirted back. “I think it suits you pretty well.”

 

A silence fell between them for a moment as if she was considering what he said.

 

 _“I like it.”_ She decided with a slight emphasis on the _t_. _“How is Liam?”_ Her thoughtfulness touched his heart. Except Ruby, no other woman cared enough to ask him that before.

 

“The lad is fine, fell asleep the instant his head hit the pillow.”

 

 _“He must have felt very tired.”_   Her voice was a quiet murmur, soothing and strangely arousing at the same time and Killian

 

“Aye.”

 

 _“And you should be, too. Why aren't you sleeping, Killian?”_ She sounded really worried and that thought made him smile wider.

 

“Strangely enough, I’m not tired.” He could hear her sigh. “Tell me about your day, Swan. Tell me what you’ve been up to.”

 

 _“You really want to hear about that?_ ” Surprise. It was evident in her voice. He could imagine her looking at him with curiosity, her head tilted to the side just as he had seen her the other day when she’d come in with the paperwork and watched him chasing Liam. It should feel odd for him to imagine it so clearly. After all, they had only known each other for three days, but strangely enough it wasn’t.

 

“Aye.” Did she really find it surprising that he wanted to get to know her better? “Tell me about your day, Emma.”

 

She told him more about the obnoxious father, who wanted to blame her for his daughter suicide attempt and he felt the need to punch the fellow in the face. She told him how tired she felt after admitting the next five patients that day and how she had a craving for onion rings because she did not have a time to to grab anything to eat.

 

_“Onion rings are supreme to fries, Killian.”_

 

She told him that Whale corned her by the end of her shift  and tried to probe her clumsily about Ruby.

 

 _“He thought I might know if she was your girlfriend because it’s clearly the first thing an admitting pediatrician asks a father of their patient- does he have a girlfriend.”_ The irony of that statement made him chuckle.

 

She asked him about his day in exchange, her voice suddenly shy. So he told her about Liam’s eagerness to return home. About how the lad gave Blue (“Blue is the name of the teddy bear, Swan.”) a tour around an apartment, spending a lot of time explaining the importance of a bathroom. She laughed at that and he found the sound of her laughter one of the most beautiful sounds he had ever heard. He told her how Blue had a honorary spot on his son’s bed next to Mr. Stuffles (“So he wouldn't be scared, Daddy.”) and  about how strange he felt coming back home after thinking he might have lost his lad.

 

 _“I’m sorry, Killian.”_ He knew her soft apology meant so much more then she voiced.

 

Before he knew it was almost midnight. They had talked for more than two hours and it still felt like it wasn’t enough. Disconnecting was hard and they procrastinated for a while until her soft yawn made him realise that she was tired. He bid her goodnight, her soft answer warming his heart and before he even had the time to put the phone down, he fell asleep. For the first time in years, nightmares didn't intrude his dreams.

 

**End of Part Nine**

 

 


	10. Part 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote this chapter at least three times, probably because it was not in the original outline. I added it because I felt it was needed. I guess it’s for you to decide. I’m sorry that this update took so long but I’m working on several other projects while writing this story. When you add real life with a three year old constantly demanding attention you will get a rather busy schedule. I hope you’ll enjoy this one. A big thank you for captain-k-jones and HookedonCS for betaing this.

**Part 10**

 

The cool October wind swept the strands of hair that fell out of her ponytail as Emma Swan walked through the city one morning. It wasn’t exactly cold but you could tell that November was waiting just around the corner to fill the air with its frosty breath and Emma liked her weather warm. She pulled the fluffy collar of her leather jacket tighter around her neck. The street was rather empty as she headed towards the already busy restaurant.

 

She had a scheduled brunch with her mother. As much as she would rather be at home now, spending her free day on the couch, reading her favourite magazines, she knew canceling the thing would bring more trouble than it was worth. It was way easier just to be done with it.

 

Her smartphone buzzed in her pocket, announcing the arrival of a message. She frowned at the thought of someone disturbing her day. She really didn’t want to be dealing with people today, her mother’s incoming interrogation was enough for her. Except... It could be Killian who messaged her. That thought alone made her heart skip a beat.

 

They had been exchanging text messages and phone calls for a little over a week now and she had to admit, she looked forward to hearing from him. He was funny and smart, and he always managed to make her smile... even when she thought it was not possible.

 

Over the course of their conversations, she actually found they had a lot in common. They valued family above all things. She knew he would do anything for his boy, as she would for her parents, despite the rocky relationship she had with her mother. She could tell he was just as lonely as she was and preferred to keep people at bay. They liked the same books ( _“‘Game of Thrones’ is bloody ridiculous Swan! All George RR Martin thinks of is who to kill next. I would have stopped reading it a long time ago if it wasn’t so freaking brilliant._ ”), and enjoyed the same movies ( _“Marty would be really upset we don’t have flying boards, Swan. They should be available in every shop by now.”_ ). They even loved the same kind of pizza- very spicy.

 

Then there were the differences, which provided them with topics to discuss and tease about. He loved the music of 80’s( _“How can you not love the 80’s Swan? They wrote the best ballads.”)._ She was more of a contemporary girl, which lead to a twenty minute discussion about whose interpretation of _Lovesong_ was better, The Cure’s or Adele’s. He loved rum while she preferred red wine. It was ridiculous really how much she learned about him in such a short period of time and still, she knew there was so much more to discover.

 

She couldn’t wait for their date. She had to know if he was just as handsome as she remembered him being or was it just an exaggerated dream of hers. She didn’t remember ever feeling so alive just from talking to someone.

 

Shaking her head with a smile, she reached for the once again buzzing, smartphone when someone calling her name interrupted her.

 

“Emma!”

 

Her mother waved at her from the corner of the restaurant Emma had  just entered. Mary Margaret was a beautiful woman. With skin white as snow, lips red as rose, and hair black as night. She could easily pass as Snow White from the children's book she’d read to her when Emma was little. Her mother may have resembled a fairy tale princess but the similarity ended at her coloring. Her hair had been cut short, a pixie cut, and her figure was more plump then it had been before, but her mother wasn’t exactly a teenager anymore.

 

“Hello, Mom!” She hugged the older woman before taking off her jacket and sitting down.

 

“I hope you don’t mind that I already ordered.” Her mother pointed to the table already set up for two. ”I got you a lasagna and greek salad.”

 

That made Emma smile. Her mother always tried to feed her because she was  convinced that Emma ate too little. Also, she always found a way to combine her daughter's love for not exactly healthy food with one that screamed ‘ _diet._ ’ Emma just nodded her head as the young bored waitress brought their orders, placing two big plates before her and a much smaller one before her mother

 

“I will just eat the salad.” A blush stained Mrs. Swan’s cheeks. “I have to keep an eye on my weight with the wedding so close.” Emma didn’t take the bait. She just dug into her lasagna, pretending she was hungry.

 

Her mother considered her for a moment but it appeared she had decided to leave the matter alone for a while. Over the next twenty minutes, Emma learned exactly how much her parents would spend on renovating the porch of their beloved house, how many kittens the old widow living three doors down from them took in, and that the Italian carpenter was hitting on her. She also learned what colors Regina’s wedding invitation would have and that her wedding dress would be white, which clearly was a scandal for some reason. She listened to her mother's monologue, nodding her head from time to time and humming in all the appropriate moments. She almost hoped the brunch would finish without reaching the interrogation part.

 

“How was your week?” The question seemed innocent enough but she found it hard to answer. She wasn’t exactly ready to tell about the _Killian Development_ yet. And as far as work went, she already had a lot to think about regarding her current professional situation without her mother putting her two cents in. She shrugged her shoulders before answering.

 

“Fine, I guess.”

 

“You guess?” Mary Margaret’s raised eyebrow made Emma uneasy. She stirred in her chair like she did when she was five years old. She had to give her mother something before she would become a little to interested.

 

“I have few things to think about work related but otherwise there is nothing new to talk about.” The bottle of water standing next to her plate seemed very interesting in that moment and she reached for it absentmindedly to keep her hands occupied. It was a nervous habit of hers and if her mother noticed the way she played with the bottle label, she hadn't mentioned it.

 

When she did look up, she met her mother worried gaze.

 

“What?” She asked defensively, her posture straightening up right away.

 

Her mother just shook her head.

 

“Nothing.”

 

Emma just rolled her eyes. _Here it comes._

 

“I just thought…”

 

“You just thought a knight in shining armour, riding on a white horse, would appear and whisk me away with the sun setting behind our backs.” Sarcasm dripped from her lips as she threw her hands in the air theatrically. “It doesn’t work that way!” She said in a calmer voice, resting her hands on the napkins.

 

A warm hand covered one of them and she looked up to meet her mother's warm gaze.

 

“I know it's hard for you Emma. Hard to believe it may be better some day, different.” She didn't answer, too angry at her mother once again prying into her love life. “But _that wall of yours… it may keep out pain, but it also may keep out love_.”

 

Emma's anger melted a little at that. Her mother had good intentions.  It wasn’t like she had told her mother about the date, but she was a realist. Fairytale love didn’t happen in real life. Sure it had happened to her parents but it was an exception that confirmed the rule and she, she never believed in it anyway.

 

“Mom... Not everyone can have what you and Dad have.” Her voice was quiet. “There is no such thing as _True Love_. And even if it were, I’m not sure I would be able to recognize it.” She averted her gaze.

 

“Oh, Emma.” A warm squeeze on her hand made Emma look up again to see a soft smile on Mary Margaret's lips. ”When you find the right person, you’ll just know it.” Her mother's dark eyes light up and for a minute Emma could see a young girl there. Free, idealistic, and so much in love. Looking at her was almost painful. “There is an instant connection, an understanding that goes beyond anything you have known before. And when you kiss them for the first time… it’s like igniting a flame you just know will burn forever. That you want it to burn forever.”

 

She shot her mother a small smile or at least tried to. The awkward silence that fall upon them was a little too much to take in. Bidding her mother a goodbye, she excused herself claiming she had things to do and walked out of the restaurant as fast as her legs could carry her. Emma knew she would never have what her parents had and having false hope was worse than not having hope at all. She purposely ignored the flash of blue eyes in her mind and the little voice in the back of her head telling her that her hopes may not be as false as she tried to make them.

 

She was just heading towards her car when she felt her phone buzzing again. Curiously she took it out and looked at it. There were two unread messages waiting for here. One from Killian, wishing her a good day, which instantly brought a smile to her face. The second one was an email from the hospital. A frown appeared on her face as she scanned it. Her day had just gotten worse, which at least for her didn’t foreshadow a good evening.

 

***

 

Killian sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly. Spending more time with Liam before the incoming date with Emma seemed like a good idea at the beginning. Of course, he forgotten that his lad would be more than ecstatic to do so. Frankly speaking, he’d spent a lot of time with his son after they left the hospital but he managed to work only a little bit in that time. Today he announced a daddy/son day and Liam went wild. As young as the lad was, he knew exactly what that meant- a whole day devoted solely to him.

 

The living room of their apartment was covered in legos, scattered around every flat surface available. Killian was glad his son owned only the Duplo version of the bricks because the thought of stepping on the tiny parts of the original made him shiver. Bigger or not, the brick still proved to be heavy to navigate between its masses and when Liam threw his cars to the mix the room seemed like a death trap. With a serious determination to get rid of some of the lads toys, Killian moved carefully around the room.

 

Liam was currently hiding behind a sofa, clad only in a t-shirt and underwear. He could hear the lad’s giggles coming from behind the furniture. His son apparently saw dressing up as a good reason to play tag combined with hide and seek and, not for the first time, Killian felt that he could use a second pair of hands to help him.

 

Seeing that Liam had a little too much energy, he convinced him to go out. That’s when the wild chase started. Catching the lad and throwing him on his shoulder, he hoped he would have enough strength to actually execute his plans.

 

As he walked towards his son’s bedroom in their third attempt to put some clothes, he shot a longing look towards his phone. He wrote to Emma just half an hour ago but she hadn’t  answered him yet. Not that he had time to keep track of the messages today but none of the lights on his smartphone blinked to indicate an unread message waiting for him. He suddenly felt a little more lonely. Which was stupid really. They’d known each other for close to two weeks and he missed not hearing from her for an half one hour. They hadn’t even been on that date yet.

 

If he had to be honest with himself, he knew exactly why he was so anxious. Emma represented something he hadn’t had in a while- hope.

 

Liam giggled again as he wriggled out of his father's arms and once again ran towards the living room. Killian sighed. It was going to be a long day.

 

***

 

She sat at the bench facing the playground. The cool ocean breeze played with her hair as her gaze wandered across the shore, unseeing. She could feel the smell of the impending rain in the air but felt to overwhelmed to move. Sometimes it was just all too much.

 

“Fancy meeting you here Swan?” An accented voice pulled her out of her depressing thoughts. Her head shoot up to meet the warm gaze of Killian Jones.

 

He stood next to her, all windblown hair and bashful smile lingering on his lips. Although the collar of his pea coat was pulled up it didn’t protect him from the wind and the red plaid shirt with top buttons undone didn’t help matters either. His hands were in his pockets, probably in search of warmth and he looked adorable and hot at the same time.

 

Her eyes were wide blown and she had to close her mouth before answering him.

 

“What are you doing here?” She heard a breathy surprise in her own voice. To be honest this was the last place she expected to met him.

 

He smirked at her before taking a seat on the bench next to her.

 

“I’m glad to see you, too, love.” His habit of throwing that particular endearment into every second sentence made her blush. It was a recent development which she discovered during one of their long calls. A clear sign for her that he was getting more and more comfortable with talking to her. She was not sure if it made her more scared or excited.

He watched  her closely for a minute. A thoughtful smile lingered on his lips as he took her in.

 

“This is Liam favourite playground,” he said pointing to his son running around with other kids. A navy beanie almost covered his eyes leaving the dark locks out in a few places. His cheeks were reddened  and he had a big toothy smile plastered on his chubby face.

 

“We came here whenever we can.” Killian eyes were soft when he talked about his boy. Full of love and devotion, and Emma couldn’t help to think she would loved it if he looked at her in a similar manner.

 

He looked at her again, his face serious this time.

 

“I know why I’m here,” he said softly. “Why are you?”

 

She felt the urge to tuck her knees under her chin, a protective habit of hers. She considered to avoid answering but he looked at her with such attention and care, she felt she can trust him.

 

“I came here to think.” She looked towards the horizon. “The sea calms me down. Takes my worries away. So whenever I have a problem I come here to clear my mind.”

 

She felt his arm brush against hers as he settled a little more comfortably next to her. She could feel warmth emanating from her body even through several layers of clothing. Her heart skipped a beat.

 

“I hope I am not the reason you are so distraught.” Her eyes widened as she looked at him. _Why would he think that?_ She saw vulnerability in his blue depths and understood he was scared too.

 

“No!” She answered quickly. ”No. It’s something work related… I need to figure out how to deal with it.”

 

“Daddy, Daddy.” Liam's voice reached them before the boy himself did. He flew into Killian arms, his face anxious. “ I wanna go home,” he whined.

 

Picking up his son, Killian smiled apologetically at her.

 

“Looks like duty calls.” He sighed, standing up. The kid held onto him for dear life, tugging the collar of his pea coat. Killian looked at her once again, clearly procrastinating their departure against Liam’s demands.

 

She felt warm inside. He didn’t want to leave her when she needed someone to talk to. She waved a hand at him.

 

“Go take care of your boy. I’ll be fine on my own for the next few hours. I’m an adult, you know,” she teased.

 

He bit his bottom lip in that adorable way of his that filled her stomach with butterflies, his blue eyes twinkling mischievously.

 

“See you tonight.”

  
**End Of Part 10**


	11. Part 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Real life and other projects got in the way but I hope you will like this one.  
> A big thank you for captain-k-jones for doing beta duties on this. I know you are very busy right now. Thank you again.:*

**Part 11**

 

Killian eyed the two shirts laying on the bed with a frown. Bloody hell, which one should he choose? A groan escaped through his clenched teeth as he ran a hand through his hair in frustration. Great… He rolled his eyes in annoyance. Now, he’d messed up his hair. Again. He didn’t remember dressing for a date being this hard before. Sighing, he picked up the clothes. His sock clad feet padded on the hardwood floor of his bedroom. He needed help, otherwise, he might never be ready on time.

 

He found Ruby sitting on his sofa. A smirk graced her lips as she watched Liam desperately trying to push Mr. Stuffles on the back of his mini dump truck. A frown on the lad's face deepened when the mascot jumped out of the car yet again. He threw the bunny away and continued his tries with Blue instead. Killian smiled.

 

“Still not dressed?” Ruby’s question interrupted his thoughts. His head shoot up only to meet her teasing gaze.

 

“Aye.” Scratching behind his ear with a hanger in his hand, proved to be not an easy task. He abandoned his ministration as soon as the tip of said hanger poked him in the ear. Heat rose to his cheeks. “I forgot that getting dressed for a date could be such a complicated task. “The smile on Ruby’s red stained lips only widened. “Would you be so kind and grant me an advice as to which of these garments...” He put the shirts in front of him.”...I should I wear?”

 

“At this rate you will never be ready, Killian.” She barked with laughter.

 

Killian rolled his eyes.

 

“Humor me.”

 

Ruby tilted her head and inspected the clothes he held in his hands for a second.

 

“I think you should go for the navy one.” She decided. “And do it quick before…”

 

A soft knock on the front door interrupted Ruby’s speech. Killian felt his stomach tighten. Throwing Ruby a panicked look, he threw the shirts on the sofa. The navy one slid down to the floor and he ended up picking it up in a hurry. He took a deep breath in attempt to clear his head before he was even able to make a step towards the door. Ruby’s chuckle followed him. He could still hear it when he opened the door.

 

She stood there in all her blonde glory. Golden locks, partly pinned on her head, brushed her wool clad shoulder. A dark grey material of the coat, clung to her figure in all  right places ending just above her knees but it showed enough of long lean legs in nude pumps. He swallowed hard, realizing it was actually the first time he saw her wearing a skirt or a dress. Or almost saw as the coat had prevented him from seeing which one she was wearing exactly. Killian discovered, he was quite desperate to find out that sooner rather than later.

 

“Hi.” She smiled shyly, her peach coated lips parting enough to show him a glimpse of her pearly teeth. She looked at him from beneath her thick dark lashes and her cheeks were stained with slight blush as she stood awkwardly on his doorstep, hiding her hands in the pockets of her coat.

 

A not so subtle cough from Ruby pulled him out of his thoughts and he could feel the blush rising to his cheeks to. Realising his mouth hung open at the gorgeous sight that was Emma Swan, he quickly shut it.

 

“Hi.” His answer came out husky and deep. He caught himself  reaching to the spot behind his ear to scratch it. God, he was nervus. He shook his head as he stepped aside. “Why won’t you come in for a minute.”

 

She smiled at him as she entered the apartment. Her eyes roamed his body and he could swear he saw mirth in them. When her eyes stopped on his sock clad feet, he scratched his neck once again.

 

“Aye. I'm not exactly ready yet.” He gestured towards the shirts scattered around the sofa. Emma’s gaze followed his hand.

 

“It’s okay.” She smiled, yet again. ”That’s why I had insisted to be the one to pick you up.” She shot him a pointed look and then looked at Liam desperately trying to put two bricks together. “Take your time,” she whispered.

 

His heart flutter. _Where had this women came from?_

 

Before he had even a chance to react she already said hello to a very amused Ruby and crunched before Liam to said hit to him to. The sight of his son shaking Emma's hand with a serious expression,took his breath away.

 

“Go get dressed Killian or you’ll never leave.” Ruby’s voice was full of exaggerated anger, when she waved her hands towards his bedroom.

 

The last thing he saw, before closing the door, was a very amused Emma building a brick car with Liam. His son’s smile was the widest he had ever seen.

 

***

 

“See.” A pout formed on the kid's face, as he tried to push his stuffed bunny onto the back of his dump truck. “It won’t fit!” Now that was a real problem for Liam.  One he desperately needed to resolve and he seemed to think Emma knew the solution.

 

She took a deep breath looking to the kids eyes, so similar to his father's, and her heart skipped a bit.

 

“Well the truck is too small, Liam.” She tried patiently. His eyes got wider.

 

“Daddy will buy me a bigger one!” She felt her mouth drop. What was she supposed to say to that?

 

She could hear Ruby snorting to her right, apparently having the time of her life, while she tried to deal with a three year old who was a little too smart for his own good.

 

“Well...” Big blue eyes looked at her with such hopeful expression, she stumbled ever her words. She had to be careful with what she said. “I’m sure we can always ask Daddy what he thinks about it.” She tried.

 

“Daddy would be very grateful if Liam didn't try to maneuver Emma into his corner. He already is a softy.” A deep voice, with a hint of laughter, made her turn her head.

 

Killian stood in the bedroom doors, leaning casually against the frame with his arms crossed over his chest. His dark hair was tousled carelessly over his forehead and his lips wore a teasing smile, which she would almost call a smirk. That was something new, something she didn’t expect out of him at all.

 

He had changed into a dark navy dress shirt and put a charcoal vest over it. Dark slacks covered his lean legs, his socks hidden by fancy dress shoes. He looked good. He looked dangerous. Her heart started to flutter and she could feel butterflies awaking in her stomach.

 

“Oh thank heavens you are finally ready.”  She heard Ruby getting up from the couch. The brunette picked up Liam, surprising Emma by her sudden appearance. “Liam tell Daddy to go out on a date with the lovely Emma here and have fun.” She kissed the boy on his dark head, looking pointedly at Killian.

 

Liam smiled happily and gave his father a little wave.

 

“Go with Emma, Daddy! Have fun!”

 

Before she even had a chance to register what was happening, Killian had donned a leather jacket and both of them were shoved out of the apartment. The door closed behind them with a loud thud, almost knocking them of their feet.

 

She blinked her eyes, trying to adjust her sight to the dark lit hallway. Well, that was not exactly the way she had imagined the start of their date. Ruby was a firecracker it seemed.

 

She heard him chuckle besides her. She briefly wondered what was so funny about this whole situation but when she looked at him, he was scratching the spot behind his ear. A clear sign he was a little uncomfortable with the turn of events. She felt the corners of her lips lifting up in a smile and she had to admit that nervous habit of his was adorable. Especially since he bit his bottom lip while doing it sometimes.

 

“Sorry about that, Swan. Ruby can sometimes be a tad too enthusiastic. In her defense, It has been a long time since the last time I went out with a woman.” He sounded truly embarrassed and it made a snarky retort, she had on the tip of her tongue, disappear.

 

“Don’t be. I understand” She reached to him. “She is trying to be a good friend.” She grabbed his hand and squeezed it lightly. A spark flew between them and suddenly everything stopped.

 

They stood facing each other in the dark hallway, her hand on his, warm and a little sweaty for some reason. The air between them grew thick and heavy, and Emma realized it was the first time they were truly alone. Alone and holding hands. Her breathing grew heavier as she looked into his eyes. She could swear they were darker somehow, stormy. Her gaze wandered to his slightly parted lips and she could she his tongue wetting the bottom one. Her stomach flipped and she caught herself mirroring his  moves. Too scared of where it might lead them, she let go of his hand in an instant. If he minded, his reaction did not show it as he put his hand on the small of her back and lead her out of the apartment block.

 

***

 

Emma had to smile when Killian lead her into an Italian Restaurant. It appeared that their nightly conversation about food had influenced their date destination. Not that she mind it. Quite the contrary to be honest, it meant he listened. Listened and remembered. She didn't remember when was the last time a man she dated had done that.

 

He reached out to help her with her coat. Her smile only widened as he carefully slid the heavy cloth off of her shoulders. She turned around to watch him as he handed it in the coat closet by the door, making the young boy, clearly responsible for the guest outwears, stomp on his feet uncomfortably. She dropped her gaze and bit her lip trying to contain her laughter. The poor kid already felt like a fish out of the water, she didn't need to make it worse.

She heard a sharp gasp and lifted her eyes only to meet Killian’ s stormy gaze.

 

“You look stunning Swan.” His voice was sincere, his eyes full of unhidden wonder as they wandered around her form.

 

She mentally thanked herself for choosing this particular dress. She had spent hours trying to decide what to wear to their date and it appeared that the light peach number was a good choice. His look made her feel special, made her feel beautiful. She felt a blush rising on her cheeks.

 

“You look…” She tried to return the sentiment, she really did but her tongue seemed to be tied in a knot for some reason.

 

“I know.“ His cocky response made her roll her eye but, the uncomfortable tension left her in an instant.

 

“Why aren’t we sure of ourselves.” She shoot him a calculating look. He did not answer her but she could see the smirk lingering on his lips as he lead her further into the restaurant. She never thought he had a flirty side of him, but she decided she liked it. She liked it a lot.

 

When they reached their table he surprised her yet again, pulling out the chair for her.

 

“So you are gentleman now?” She teased.

 

“It’s a matter of good form, Swan, to assist the lady any time you can.” He shrugged, helping her on the said chair. “And I’m always a gentleman.” He whispered against her ear. His hoarse voice send shivers along her spine. She could feel his hands resting on the backrest on her chair. Felt the warmth radiating from them, when her back touched his knuckles and he brushed them against it. The heat reached her flesh, sending a wave of fire to her belly. Despite the fact she was separated from him by the material of her dress, it taunted her. Her head felt light as she unconsciously realized she had never felt something erotic like that before. And her had barely touched her. As soon as that thought left her mind his hand were gone and he took a seat across of her.

 

***

 

Killian knew that she was beautiful, his Swan, but nothing could have prepared him to the sight she made in that peach colored dress. He couldn’t tear his eyes from her. The embroidered bodice hugged her curves perfectly, the v- neck showing his just a glimpse of her cleavage, little cap sleeves pretended to be hiding her shoulders from his prying gaze. The gauzy skirt flew to her knees in delicate waves almost making her look like a fairy from children's book he read to Liam before bedtime. The soft curls brushed the side of her elegant neck and he found it hard to resist from brushing his fingers over it. When her back touched the knuckles of his hands, resting on the backrest of her chair, he felt a spark of electricity rush through his body and in that moment he knew he was doomed. Never in his entire life had a mere touch ignited his blood so much. If it weren’t for the people around them, he would be kissing her senseless. He clenched his hands on the backrest, not to give in to the desire burning through him. Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to move. When he sat across from her, only the frantic beating of his heart remained.

 

Their gazes locked and in an instant the pull was back. He wanted to reach across the table and kiss her senseless. He cleared his throat instead.

 

“Should we order some wine love?”

 

Her perfect eyebrow rose and he could swear there was a teasing gleam in her eyes. A one that matched perfectly to the risen corner on her mouth.

 

“Are you trying to get me drunk Mr. Jones?”

 

“Why would I do that Swan?” He snuggled down in his chair, putting his elbow on the table and bracing his head in his palm. “I can make your legs go weak in other ways.” The innuendo left his lips almost on its own accord and if he had to be honest it surprised him a little bit. It had been years since he flirted like that, since he had found anyone he wanted to flirt with.

 

Emma rolled her eyes at him. To an innocent observer it might look like she was annoyed with him, but the soft smile that lingered on her lips proved him she was not.

 

She continued to scan the menu as he ordered some wine. Red, half- sweet, her favourite one.

 

“So what do you recommend?” She asked after a while. “I can’t decide on the main course. but I will definitely have tiramisu for a desert.”

 

He barked a laugh.

 

“Skipping right to dessert, are you love?” That earned him another eyeroll and a patronising _Killian._

 

In the end, they ordered some bruschetta, tagliatelle with oysters, caprese salad, and of course tiramisu. A combination Emma declared to be divine at the end of their meal.

 

The conversation flew effortlessly, which shouldn’t be a surprise given their nightly phone calls but meeting face to face was something else entirely. It added another factor, another layer.

 

“You know,” Emma said somewhere between the main course and dessert. ”I can’t stop wondering…” He looked at her curiously. ”Why is a man like you single?”

 

He shrugged his shoulders.

 

“Truthfully?” She nodded her head. “I have never really had time to date after my wife passed away. There were women who were interested in me...but I think they had never considered that I was a package deal, so why waste my time”.

 

He could see a blush rising on her cheeks.

 

“Why me then?” Her voice was so quiet and insecure. It almost broke his heart.

 

“Well apart from the fact that you’re drop dead gorgeous?” He winked at her, smiling smugly. She looked at him, her mouth slightly parted, eyes surprised. He sighed as he tried to find the right words to express himself. “You came to the ER so fierce and determined, and beautiful. You didn’t give a damn about who I was or how I looked. You just though about a lad who was hurt.”

 

Emma tilted her head. She considered him for a moment, clearly not convinced he spoke the whole truth.

 

“I wasn’t exactly nice to you.” She pointed her fork at him.

 

“Aye, you weren’t.” He grinned at her. “In fact you were quite of a hellcat, insulting me with everything you got, but then you brought that noseless teddy bear for Liam and I knew you were like us. A kindred spirit.”

 

Emma’s eyes widened even more. There was something vulnerable in them, like she was not used to being complemented. Her mouth opened and closed several times but no words came out. He didn’t have to say more, he knew she understood perfectly well. They were broken souls, all three of them.

 

Emms digged into her tiramisu as a blush stained her cheeks again.

 

“You know I could ask you the same thing. Why are you single?” Killian found himself saying. He really wanted to know. She was an intelligent beautiful woman. He had a son to think of but she, she was free of that responsibility. She told him that much. The odds of her not being involved with someone seemed to be slim. True, he hadn’t thought about it, when he spontaneously asked her out but still a woman in her position should have suitors storming her doors

 

She averted her eyes from him and it was her time to shrug her shoulders now.

 

“I guess I didn't find the right man.” She didn’t sound convinced. “Or maybe I wasn’t enough for them to stay.” His heart squeezed at the thought and anger flew through his veins. He wanted to hold her so badly.

 

“Well anyone who let you get away is a bloody fool.” The passion in his voice surprised him. Her eyes filled with unshed tears. The air between grew heavier again when their eyes met.

 

“Thank you.” She whispered quietly.

 

The silence that fell between them was not exactly a comfortable one

 

“I didn’t peg you as a flirt.” Her casually thrown remark sparked something in him. He looked at her closely. She was afraid, he realised. Afraid she would be a meaningless face in his memory after tonight, worthy of some cheeky lines and nothing more. He wanted to murder the man who broke her heart and caused her to be like that. He reached out to her and took her hand in his instead.

 

Her hands were so soft, so warm. He heard her take a sharp intake of breath as he ran his fingers over her knuckles.

 

“I’m not exactly sure what I’m doing, Emma,” he whispered slowly, his eyes stared at their joined hands. “The flirting…it's something I haven't done in a while. I'm way out of my league right now.” He looked into her wide eyes. “But I intend to court you properly, if you’ll let me.”

 

“Good.” She squeezed his hands. Her eyes twinkled mischievously, all of her insecurity gone for a moment. “Cause I don’t pillage and plunder on the first date.” Her smiled widened. A heartfelt laughter left his lips.

 

***

 

When he proposed a midnight stroll along the docks, he was partly convinced she would not agree. He took enough time out of her evening and he knew she had to work tomorrow. But she smiled at him, accepting his offer with childlike glee.

 

“I have always loved sea you know?” She said as they walked side by side, admiring the starlit sky and the moonbeams dancing around the bay. “Even when the storm raged outside.”

 

“Aye. So have I.”

 

She looked into his eyes and he felt the pull again. That instant connection that made his heart beat like he had run a marathon, made his hands sweaty. He stopped taking her hand in his. Her warmth surrounded him again and he could feel his legs shaking beneath him.

 

“Emma I…” He searched for the right words, admiring the way her hair danced in the wind, the way her eyes shone in the moonlight, making her look almost ethereal. A lone strand of gold covered her face and he found himself reaching out to put it behind her ear. His fingertips brushed against hers cheek, sending a jolt of electricity between them. He could see her shiver beneath his touch, her lips slightly parted, her gaze lingering on his lips and he couldn't hold back any longer.

 

He anchored his hand in her locks pulling her closer to him, his other hand found its way to the small of her back and their lips met, setting his world on fire. Her hands gripped onto his collar and she pushed herself closer to him, tilting her head to the side and opening her mouth beneath his. Her tongue brushed against his in invitation and he followed her request earnestly pulling her even closer. She whimpered slightly at his actions and that sound fueled his desire even more. She tasted like wine and chocolate, alluring and sweet, and in that moment he knew, he would never tire of kissing her. She was like a gust of a fresh air, bringing a new life to his body, awakening a part of him he thought to be long gone. He wanted to drown in her like in the ocean they both loved so much. She was heaven.

 

The kiss ended abruptly as she pulled away. His hungry lips followed hers absentmindedly. She  put firm hand on his chest, stopping him. He opened his eyes and saw her green orbs wide with fear.

 

“Emma…” He whispered, questioningly.

 

“I’m sorry I can’t do this.” Her voice shook with a pleading note in it. Her breathing was heavy as she started to push him away even harder. “This was a mistake.” He could hear the tears in her voice as clear as he saw them on her cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”

 

She broke out of his hold and ran away, her heels clicking against the prevent. Leaving him with his heart broken in half.

  
**End Of Part Eleven**


	12. Part 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard for me to write. I like my characters happy but sometimes you just can avoid a little angst. I have had a busy September( many bday fics to write) and October won’t be any better. So my dear readers be patient with me.;) Only one more chapter to go and an epilogue. As always a big thank you for my wonderful beta: captain_k_jones.

**Part 12**

 

She looked up and met his gaze. The moon and few street lamps were hardly a good source of light but, despite that, she could see his eyes darkening, gaining a misty shade of blue. Was it her imagination? Or could she see things more clearly around him. There was so much longing in his eyes, it took her breath away. The feeling, the need to be lost in him, hit her again. It was such a foreign experience and yet right in some mysterious way. He took her hand in his, his palm hot against her own, making her heart beat faster than she had ever thought was possible.

 

“Emma I…” His heavy accent made her shiver. Or maybe it was the cool breeze that blew from the bay. She didn’t know, didn’t care really because he was standing there, looking at her like she was the most precious thing he had ever seen. Before she even had time to think about it, he reached out his hand to put a lone strand of her hair behind her ear. His fingertips brushed against her cheek, sending a jolt of electricity between them. She let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding and her eyes drifted to his lips.

 

Wounding one of his hands in her locks, he put the other on the small of her back and pulled her closer. The next thing she knew his lips were on hers, kissing her with fiery passion. _Not close enough._ She grabbed the collar of his coat, desperately trying to melt herself into him. She needed more. Tilting her head, she opened her mouth and traced his tongue with her own. He pulled her even closer almost knocking her breath out of her. She let out a helpless whimper, he was doing things to her. Things she didn’t think were possible. Butterflies seemed to tango in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t remember having them in a while. The way his lips moved against hers made her blood burn. He ignited a flame, consuming her, fueling her, making her feel at home and she wanted it to burn. Forever. She wanted it to burn _forever_ …Her mother had been right.

 

Her blood went cold. _No. She couldn’t…_ Fear creeped into her mind.  Ripping her lips from his, she broke the kiss in an instant. Emma Swan didn’t do forever. She didn't do fairy tale love. His lips followed hers absentmindedly, making her breath quicken. She almost gave in, almost. _Forever_. ‘ _His’_ words haunted her mind. A voice she hadn’t heard in years. _No one would want forever with you_. Putting her hand on Killian’s chest, she pushed him away from her. She needed... To run.

 

“Emma…” She could hear confusion in his voice as he looked at her from beneath those thick lashes.

 

Her heart was running a marathon. The look he gave her… so lost. She couldn’t take it

 

“I’m sorry I can’t do this.” Her voice shook with a pleading note in it. Breathing heavy, she desperately tried to compose herself. She started to push herself away from him more fiercely. “This was a mistake.” She felt tears running down her cheeks. She didn’t do _forever._ She didn’t know how. “I’m so sorry.”

 

Her fear gave her strength to break away from his hold. Without another word, she turned her body from his and ran with tears staining her cheeks, as far and as fast as she could to leave him behind. To leave all the feelings he evoked behind. She didn’t look back, not once.

 

She didn’t remember, how she reached her apartment. Didn’t remember if she took a taxi or the metro. Her whole journey was a blur of tears, wind, icy rain, and fear. When her back rested against the closed door, she let out a shaky breath. She stared forward into the darkness of her apartment. All she could see was the look on Killian’s face as she pushed him from her. Broken, he’d looked broken. Slamming her eyes closed, she lightly bounced her head on the door. She wanted to forget. She wanted to feel numb.

 

Water tapped on her wooden floor and it was that sound and a distant purr from Tinkerbell, that brought her back to reality. Shrugging of her drenched coat, she almost tripped over the rug. The coat was ruined and so were her pumps. She toed them off immediately, leaving them next to the coat on the floor. She was too tired, too exhausted to think.

 

Her bare foot padded against the rug as she absentmindedly headed towards her bedroom. She dug into her purse and took out her phone to throw it on her night stand. Sniffing her nose, she slipped out of her dress and let it fall on the carpet. She needed to forget, to pull herself together. She wiped her cheeks stubbornly refusing to let the tears fall anymore. No. Emma Swan didn’t cry over a man, not anymore. Forever didn’t exist. Her mother had been wrong. ‘ _She’_ had been wrong. She considered a shower for a moment but one look at her mascara stained palms… made her deem the idea pointless. She was to tired, to emotionally drained.

 

She climbed under the covers in a search of warmth, in search of the comfort that only wrapping yourself in blankets could provide. A shiver rocked through her body. She was so cold, so incredibly cold. But the thought about warmth brought him into her mind and she didn’t, couldn’t let herself to go there. Tears started to fall down her cheeks again. Her chin trembled as a painful sob left her lips.

 

The phone on her nightstand started to buzz, throwing a dim light into the dark room. She tried to ignore it. She knew it was from him. Maybe if she closed her eyes it would just go away. It didn’t. The buzz ceased and left it up to Justin Hawkins to mock her with his _I Believe in a Thing Called Love_ , coming out of the speakers in his high tenor. She laughed bitterly. Love. Did she even know what love was? Hawkins kept singing, convincing her to believe. Her sobbing got only worse. The last thing she remembered before crying herself to sleep was a ball of warm on her feet and soft purring of Tinkerbell.

 

***

 

Letting out a grunt, Killian threw away his phone. It hit the covers of his bed with a muffled thud. He ran fingers through his hair. The urge to pull on them was hard. Resting his elbows on his knees, he dragged a hand down his face and rubbed his eyes furiously. He didn’t understand. Everything was going so well and then suddenly she fled. Just like that. In the middle of one of the most amazing kiss he had ever had. What in the bloody hell went wrong? He wanted to punch something, but he knew that wouldn’t help. Laying back on his bed, he drew his hand up his face to entangle his fingers in his hair again. His eyes burned as he put his arms behind his head and swallowed hard. Sleep was not going to be his friend tonight.

 

His gaze lingered on the dim light his bedroom lamp cast, reminding him of the street lamps immediately, of her beautiful happy eyes. They’d turned into scared ones so quickly. As if someone had flicked a switch. What went wrong? Surely he wasn’t a bad kisser. No. It must have been something else. Maybe he should try to call her again. Maybe she would answer this time.

 

He sighed. Most likely she wouldn’t. Ten. Ten times he tried to call her. Ten times she did not answer him. Frustrated, he threw his phone a look. To call or not to call? Where was the line between persistence and desperation. He didn’t know, but he sure felt like he had already crossed it but... He just needed to know why.

 

God he needed a drink. Rum. A whole barrel of it at least. But the thought of getting up… wasn’t all that much appealing. He silently thanked the heavens that Liam had been already asleep when he came back. He was in no shape to put the lad in bed and it was better for his son not to see him in the state he had returned home in. Wet because, of bloody course, it had started to rain. As if he hadn’t had enough drama in his life already.

 

The fact that Liam had been asleep made it easier to ask Ruby to leave the apartment without discussing the details of his disastrous night, as well. She’d tried to argue, of course, but knew him well enough to leave him in peace when he’d barked at her to sod of. Ruby was a friend, a good one, but she tended to be a tad too enthusiastic. Killian didn’t need that. He knew his feelings for Emma, knew he had it bad either way, and he didn’t need to talk to Ruby to confirm that.

 

Turning on his side, he groaned again. The phone laying in front of him mocked him, tempted him to pick it up and call her once more. How much was enough? He stared at the device. To use it or not to use it. He picked it up again, tracing his finger against the smooth screen. _The Emma button_ called him, lured him like some mythic fairy.

 

She was good for him. He didn’t need Ruby to know that. He noticed it on his own. Noticed the smile lingering on his lips every time he had looked into mirror since he met her. He felt lighter, younger, full of hope. And Liam...His little lad took almost an instant shine to her. When he saw them together earlier that night, he knew it was something he could get used to. His son playing with her…

 

He knew he would fight for her, that was never a question. It was the how that seemed to be a problem. Killian shook his head. He would find a way. He had to.

 

***

 

A week passed and she still felt like a zombie. Her phone buzzed so often in her purse that she learned to ignore it. She didn’t even check it. Her mother was used to be ignored from time to time but Killian… She didn't want to take a look at her phone because she was scared. Scared that he had called her and scared that he hadn’t  that he’d stopped.

 

She needed to get her mind off of him, so she did what she always did. She decided to focus on work, to resolve her work related issues. She’d put them off for a long time now. Seeing as the most recent developments frustrated her to no end, she had to get rid of at least one of her problems.

 

That resolve had led her to the small white office in the administration section of the building. The leather chair she sat in was one of the those which make you squirm in search for a comfortable position. If Emma had to guess, she would say it was a deliberate move to intimidate the person who sat in it. As was the fact she had been waiting for 15 minutes already. She tapped her foot, feeling her temper rising. _Really?_ Can’t one thing in her life go the way she planned?

 

The door opened behind her, startling her as a warm voice announced the arrival of Archie Hopper.

 

“Sorry I’m late, Miss Swan.”

 

Turning around, she tried to stand up, but the man raised hand stopped her.

 

“Please, you don’t have to stand up.” He insisted as he sat behind a large oak desk. A large golden sign informed everyone that Dr. Archibald Hopper was the Medical Director. The wall behind him was almost entirely covered with diplomas and certificates, showing his guest their place. As if the PhD in medical science was not enough to do just that.

 

Despite owning a quite intimidating office, Dr. Hopper was not an intimidating man himself. His small frame almost disappeared in large leather chair. Red curly hair had already started to retreat, making his forehead wider. He wore a thick rimmed glasses that hid his watery blue eyes. A little-too-large tweed jacket and a knitted vest over a motley tie made him look more like a some closed off history professor than a man in high position. Maybe that’s why he had chosen all this big furniture and produced a wall of fame when he decorated his office. He was a psychiatrist, so he knew what he was doing.

 

Dr. Hopper took out a large folder from one of the drawers and placed it in front of him. He opened it and proceed to study the documents. After a while, he lifted his head to meet her eyes.

 

“I must say, I was quite disappointed when I received your resignation letter, Miss Swan.” She shifted under his gaze. “You are a great doctor.” He looked at her like some old good uncle and it had been more unsettling than if he had been a strict bureaucrat.

 

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while now.” She stared slowly. “It had been a great experience to work on ER but… it’s time for me to move on.”

 

Dr Hooper tilted his head taking her in for w while.

 

“But why now? Your contract will be out in half of a year. You could just wait till it expires.”

 

She took a deep breath. Time to do the right thing for once.

 

“To be honest I had enough or the constant changes in the schedule.” She looked at him from beneath her lashes.

 

“That is not an unusual occurrence when you work in the ER…”

 

“it’s not,” she agreed. “But usually you have more time to prepare yourself and let's be honest filling in for someone else should be a situation that happens once in a while, not almost every month.”

 

Understanding down on his face. He tried to open his mouth to say something, but closed it clearly lost at words.

 

“Look.” Emma felt more confident now. “I know doctor Spencer is the son of the hospital most generous benefactor. I get it. But he is almost never at work and it’s up to the rest of us to fill his shoes and you don’t want to have tired, sleep deprived doctors working in your ER.”

 

“So you won’t be changing your mind then?’ He asked after a moment of silence.

 

“No.”

 

There was nothing left to say. She was tired of the unfair treatment. She’d worked to hard. It was time to move on.

 

“If that’s all you wanted to ask me…” She started to get up from the chair.

 

“I have a proposition for you then.”

 

Emma stopped moving. She looked and the director knitting her eyebrows in confusion.

 

“There is a…” He waved his hand. “... vacant position opening in Pediatric Ward. One of the doctors is moving out of the country. I wouldlike you to consider taking it.”

 

“Me?”

 

He smiled warmly at her.

 

“You don’t have to answer me right away. Just think about it and let me know before your termination time finishes.”

 

Surprised, she nodded her head.

 

She left the office quite confused. The proposition was tempting but it was still the same hospital she would be working at, which meant the issues she had with Dr. Spencer would most defiantly surface someday. On the other hand, it would spare her the tiresome duty of job hunting. She needed to think. She based to many of her decisions on fear.

 

Somehow between her inner battle with her emotions and the voice of reason, Emma found herself sitting on her favorite bench by the sea, watching the kids playing on the sandy playground.  She shouldn’t be surprised when a shadow hovered over her and yet she was.

 

“Fancy meeting you here, Swan.”

 

**End of Part** **Twelve**


	13. Part 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This the last chapter of this story( the epilogue will come in a few weeks though) and I feel a little sad. For something that started originally as a one shot idea I think this came pretty far. Over 30K words is pretty impressive. For me at least. I have never thought I was capable of writing such thing as this but it turns out you never know what you can do until you try.
> 
> A big thank you to my wonderful captain-k-jones. You are a treasure.:*

**Part 13**

 

Last week had been a nightmare, harder than he thought it would be. Especially at night, when he had time to think. He tried, he had really tried, but staying positive was hard. During the day, Liam helped the most. His little lad was his ray of sunshine, his angel. Taking care of Liam kept his mind from wondering to what he did wrong. Work helped as well. Being busy with this new contract helped him avoid depressing thoughts, but all the preparations were almost finished. He had just checked the last details in the small shipyard. The yacht he designed was ready for the next faze - building. While it meant a new life for him and Liam, which he was grateful for, it also meant more time thinking about Emma and the reasons she left him that night in the rain.

 

Killian had tried to understand. He’d called her many times until he decided to give her some space. She didn’t answer his calls anyway, so that might be the right thing to do. He didn’t want to give up and he wasn’t. He just needed to find a  way to talk to her. He needed to understand.

 

He stopped dead in his tracks when his foot sunk in the sand that the wind had carelessly transferred from the nearby beach to similar orange path. Blinking rapidly, he lifted his head to look around. Apparently, he had been so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice he had reached his son’s favorite playground. Although, maybe he should not be surprised at all. This was his place to think, to relax. Just as it was for Emma…

 

Smiling sadly to himself, he shook his head . It was all about Emma lately and he missed her. He really did miss her. So much. He could see her everywhere. He saw her in cafe down the street from his apartment, at the grocery store near the hospital, walking through the park. He saw her in the many blondes he and Liam passed after he picked him up from daycare. Even now, he could see her, sitting on the same bench she sat on the last time he was here. He sighed as he watched her golden curls dancing in the wind, contrasting beautifully with a red trench coat. She looked at the bay with cheeks reddened from the cold. She was a lovely vision. And then, it struck him. He had not seen her with her hair down before. He had a vivid imagination, but not that vivid. Swallowing hard, her realized that this was real. This was not some vision of his delusional mind. Emma Swan did sit on that bench, watching the waves crash against the shore.

 

Suddenly, he noticed, he was moving. It was as if his legs carried him on their own. Like his heart knew where to guide him, like it had its own will.

 

He stopped just inches from her, casting a shadow over the bench. Taking in a deep breath, he took one more step forward.

 

“Fancy meeting you here, Swan.” She stiffened upon hearing his voice.

 

When she slowly turned her head to look at him, her eyes were wide opened, lips slightly parted. She didn’t look uncomfortable or scared. She looked surprised. That thought alone gave him hope. Letting out a shaky breath, he pointed towards the bench, she had been sitting on.

 

“May I join you?”

 

Casting her eyes down, she bit her lower lip as if contemplating something.

 

“I don’t want to waste your time, Emma.” He ran his trembling fingers through his hair before letting out a sigh. “I just...I just want to talk.” She played with the hem of her coat with shaking hands. “I… need to understand… what went wrong.”

 

Silence fell between them as he stood, moving from one foot to another, and Emma seemed to be intent on unraveling her coat. For a moment, he had been sure she would tell him to go away. To leave her alone and his heart started to break. But then, he saw her nodding her head slowly and turning slightly in his direction.

 

Killian sat down on the edge of the bench. A little further than he wanted to, but the possibility he might have scared her again was still vivid in his mind. Better to be safe than sorry. His leg shook despite his best attempts to stop it. A nervous habit he’d thought long gone when he had entered adulthood, but it seemed Emma Swan brought out the bashful teenager in him. Speaking to her about the whole situation, about his feelings in regards to the two of them, seemed like almost impossible task. He took a deep breath while trying to find the right words.

 

“Have I done something wrong.” He dared to look at her. “Have I offended you in some way?”

 

She lifted her wide eyes at him and opened her mouth in surprise.

 

“No.” She shook her head. “You have not.”

 

Letting out a sigh, he moved a little closer to her. He was still afraid that she would run any minute. He looked into her eyes.

 

“I may be out of practice but I thought…” He let out a sigh again. “I thought things were going well between us but clearly I must have been wrong…” He waved his hand towards her.

 

Emma shook her head. “No.“ She bit her lower lip furiously. “Things were going well.” Her words were a mere whisper.

 

Kilian took a deep breath, trying to clear his mind to understand.

 

“Then why did you run away?” His voice came out husky, insecure. “Have I pushed for things to hard?” As the question left his lips, she started to shake her head again.

 

“No!” Her quickly spoken words made him lose his train of thoughts. ”It was not you but me! I got scared and…” Averting her gaze from his, she put a strand of golden hair behind her ear with a shaky hand. “It was my fault.”

 

He knotted his brows trying to understand. How in the bloody hell was it her fault?

 

***

 

She took a deep breath as if preparing herself for a battle. Now was the time for him to get mad at her. To tell her that yes, she was right and all of that was her fault, but he was silent. _Why wasn’t he saying anything?_

 

Emma lifted her eyes to meet his confused ones underneath his knotted eyebrows.

 

“How was it your fault?” The softness in his voice surprised her.

 

She didn’t expect it. She didn’t expect him wanting to talk to her after what  she had put him though in the last week anyway and yet...He was here. Asking her, trying to understand the thing she didn't truly understand herself.

 

“I…” The words didn’t want to come. “I..” She could not look him in the eyes. Averting her gaze, she started to twist the hem of her coat. “I got scared… I don’t have the best track record with relationships. They have always ended badly for me…” She let out a bitter laugh. “Every man I’ve ever been with... left me. I ended up messing everything up.” Tears pricked her eyes and she tried desperately to not let them fall. “I am not  relationship material, Killian. I’ve never have been.”

 

She could feel him looking at her, could feel the air getting warmer as he leaned in a bit.

 

“I may not be an expert, but that’s a rather radical thought love.” His voice seemed thicker than seconds before and she almost wanted to reach for him.  “Why would you think like that?”

 

_No one would want forever with you._ The thought invaded her mind again and she felt fear creeping back in.

 

“I…” A shiver ran down her spine. “Every one of my relationship ended in a break up,” she whispered.

 

“I don’t want to sound insensitive, Emma, but most people’s relationships end with a break up.” She inhaled sharply at his words. “That is, until you find the right person and everything changes.”

 

Emma opened her mouth, but no words came out. She wanted to argue. To tell him that he was wrong. But was he really? She shook her head. No. Relationships were not for her, despite what she might have believed from the day he asked her out.

 

“Killian,” she tried. How could she explain to him that she was broken. “You are a wonderful man but…”  She shook her head sadly. “I have learned the hard way that some people are not meant to be loved…”

 

She heard him take a sharp breath.

 

“You…” The apple on his neck moved up and down as he swallowed hard. “You think you are not loveable?”  The utter disbelief in his voice made her stomach twist.

 

“Who told you that?” The coldness in his voice matched the one in his eyes. She watched as he clenched his shaking hand into a fist. He looked like a man on a verge of hot blind rage.

 

“I…” Emma looked at her hands as she twisted her fingers. She knew this was it. Ether she would tell him the truth or tell him to leave her alone. Was she ready to go back to that memories? Surprisingly enough, the decision was an easy one. She had been cleaning her life all week and maybe it was time to take out that skeleton out of her closet too. Taking in a deep breath, she let the words flow.

 

“When I was sixteen, I’d met this guy… He just got transferred  from another school. He was rich and popular. He had this air about him... a bad boy attitude.“ She smiled to herself. “He was confident and a bit cocky and from all of the girls he could have had, he chose me.” She lifted her eyes to meet his, willing him to understand. “Me...a nerdy girl with glasses. A loner, who preferred to study over hanging out with the cool club.” She could she herself in her mind's eye: all glasses and ponytail, walking in her combat boots with a thick book in her arms. “He was so nice and sweet to me at first. I felt special and loved. No one, outside of my family, had ever treated me like that. I fell fast and hard. Soon, instead of studying, I started to avoid classes to hang out with him.” Letting out a heavy sigh, Emma needed to fight the urge to curve herself into a ball. “My parents weren’t pleased as you can guess but there was not much they could do. Grounding me made me resent them. And while it worked on the weekends, it did not solved the problem.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I had to go to school. They could not watch me there.”

 

Emma lifted her head to look at him again. Killian didn’t look displeased with her story, like Walsh had. All she could see in his eyes was curiosity, not judgment. Like he was really interested in what she had to say. “He started to ask me to cover for him when he did something stupid or dangerous… and I was so in love that I did. “ She let out a little bitter laugh and felt Killian shifting on the bench as if he was trying to move closer to her. She shook her head to stop him. She needed to let it out without interruptions. “One evening a police officer knocked on my parents door.” Emma let out a shaky breath. “Apparently Neal had been caught selling drugs. He told them that he thought it was a tea I mixed myself and he was trying to help me raise some money for college. I have never felt so humiliated. They searched the house and found nothing.” She snorted. “In the end, it turned out I had an alibi anyway since I was in class taking test at the time when I was supposed to deliver him the stash.”  Emma's eyes filled with tears. “I had never been so happy to follow my parent's request to retake that test which I obviously failed the first time.” She rolled her eyes before looking at Killian again. The compassion shining in his eyes threw her of.

 

“I’m really sorry that you had to go through this Emma.” He started slowly. “But …”

 

“I went to confront him after that.” She interrupted him quickly, leaving him with his mouth open. “He had laughed into my face. Told me I was easy to get...that he knew a girl like me would do everything for even a tiny scrap of affection… A girl you just date for a while for fun… He told me that _no one would want forever with me._ ” The words left her lips in a broken sob.

 

He remained silent and she found herself still waiting for him to walk away from her. After all, she did the exact thing just week before. He got his answer, he could just leave her to dwell in her own sorrows.

 

He didn’t. Instead, Killian had slid closer to her so that they were mere inches apart. Far enough that they wouldn't touch accidentally, but close enough for her to smell his cologne. Spicy and rich with a hint of sandalwood. She wanted to bury her nose in his neck. To inhale his musky scent to get drunk on it. A warm hand touched her clenched ones, causing her to look up. His eyes held so much sincerity in them, it took her breath away.

 

“I can most definitely assure you that is not true.”

 

***

 

Listening to Emma’s story broke Killian's heart. It pained him that she thought so little about herself. That she believed in something some wanker had said years ago. He wanted smack the moron against the wall and teach him a lesson, teach him how a woman should be treated. Blasted man hurt this wonderful creature beside him. He felt rage cursing in his veins, urging him to act, to do something, but he knew it was pointless. The man, Neal, was long gone from Emma’s life and she didn’t need an avenger. She was not some damsel in distress waiting to be saved. No. She needed a person who could convince her that happiness is not illusive dream. That she could achieve it, if only she let herself to do it.

 

So Killian took a deep breath and slid closer to her. Slowly, he put his hand over hers. She looked at him, her eyes a little startled.

 

_No one would like forever with me._ That statement made his heart clench.

 

“I can most definitely assure you that is not true.”

 

Her eyes widened at that and she tilted her head as if she was trying to determine if he told her the truth. How could he convince her that she was more than loveable, that with her _forever_ did not sound scary at all? Despite the fact they knew each other for a relatively short amount of time.

 

Taking a deep breath, Killian tried to find the right words to express every feeling, every emotion, her presence filled him with. He squeezed her hands once more.

 

“I have a confession to make,“ he said, his voice heavy with emotions. “I may not have much experience in relationships, but I know the pain of losing a loved one.” He took her hands in both of his. “I know how it feels to wish you could just tear your heart out and throw it away, to erase the pain, the despair…” He caressed her knuckles with his thumb and felt her shiver beneath his touch. ”I’ve been there many times. When my brother died, when I was left alone with Liam… I thought the best way was to push people away. To take care of only myself and then later, my son. I was safer that way, better. I ended up shutting out people that cared about me, ignoring every chance I got to change things. I never tried to be happy again. Not only happy as a father or a businessman, but happy as me, as Killian.” He bore his gaze into her green orbs. “ _I never thought I was capable of letting go of my first love, my wife, to believe that I could find someone else. That is, until I met you._ ”

 

She took in a sharp breath, her eyes wide with disbelief.

 

“I want to be with you, Emma.” His heart hammered against his ribcage. It was now or never. “I know this may sound scary and it may be too soon but… from the moment you came to my life everything seems brighter, happier.” Her eyes started to look glossy as she listened to him. “You brought joy to my life and I want to know that if you decide to try this, to try us .. I’m in this for the long haul and I will stay by your side for as long as you want me.”

 

He was helplessly in love with her and would stand at nothing to make this work. If she would only let him.

 

***

 

Emma’s heart beat so fast that, she had almost been certain, he could hear it. She searched his eyes for a while. He could not have meant that, could he? But all she could see was sincerity, sincerity and... hope?

 

“You really do meant it.” She could hear wonder in her own voice as clear as she felt it.  Biting his bottom lip, he nodded his head sheepishly.

 

“Why?” She asked. “I hurt you.” And she did. She knew she did. She could still remember the shock written all over his face, when she pushed him away

 

He chuckled, before responding. He smiled softly at her, not only with his lips, but with his eyes  too.

 

“Aye, but being away from you hurt me even more.” When her mouth formed a little _‘o’,_ his smiled turned into a little smirk. He raised his eyebrow at her, sending a swarm of butterflies to her belly. “Besides Liam asked me all week when are you coming for a visit.” His cheeky comment broke the tension and she rolled her eyes at him but felt her lips lifting in their corners.

 

Despite the fact she would never admit it out loud, she loved when he flirted with her, loved his stupid innuendos.

 

“You were scared, love.” His voice was quiet now. “And I am too but, I refuse to let this go.” He moved their joined hands to point at both of them, making her look at them.  “To let us go before we even know what we are. I don’t want to spent the rest of my life thinking about _what ifs…”_ He tilted his head and caught gaze.

 

A warm feeling spread through her chest and she felt her eyelashes flutter. She had hurt him, pushed him away and expected him to do what everyone else did. She had expected him to leave her, to give up. But he didn’t. He shoved his pride to his pocket and tried to understand her. He did what no man had done before him, he put her first… and now he was asking her for a chance. A chance she was so desperate to throw away. He wanted to let her in his life despite the fact that being a father meant he had more to risk than her. Yet, he was not afraid and suddenly she realized she was not scared anymore. That she did not want to spend her life thinking about _what ifs._ No she wanted to live through them. She had too many regrets in her life. It was time to stop running. Time to let herself to be happy and maybe made this wonderful man in front of her happy too.

 

Smiling to herself, she pulled at their joined hands. Her heart started to beat faster but it wasn’t from fear. No...It was a flicker of hope.

 

“I would like that,” she whispered, tilting her head to look at him again. To look into his expressive blue eyes. Taking a deep breath, she made her decision. “I want to try.” The conviction in her own voice almost surprised her. “I want to find out what we could be.”

 

***

 

He felt a grin spreading on his lips as warmth filled his chest. Happiness. Yes, he felt happy. Ridiculously happy. He wanted to take her in his arms and never let her go, but he knew she had to make the first move. She had to make a choice.

 

“Well.” Emma tugged on his hands. “What now?”

 

Killian pushed his cheek with his tongue, considering her question for a while.

 

“I think we might try to start where we stopped.“ One look in her twinkling eyes made him realize where did they actually stop and he felt the tips of his ears growing hot.

 

Emma let go of his hands and moved closer to him, a little smirk lingering on her lips. It made his heart beat a little faster. She put her arms around his neck in a long swift move.

 

“I think I like that thought.” Her breath tickled his lips as she wove her fingers in his hair and pulled herself closer to him, almost sitting in his lap. “I like it very much…” She whispered against his lips before her mouth met his.

 

Soft and slow at first. With her hands caressing the nape of his neck and his weaving themselves in her golden locks. Then hard and desperate as she opened her mouth his and he pulled her closer again, their tongues dancing together perfectly as if they were doing it their whole lives. Heaven. Kissing her was like dying and being reborn again. Euphoric, divine...the list could go on and on, and he would never be able to express properly how it felt. How Emma made him feel. He was a formable mush in her hands and, for the first time in his life, he thought that feeling helpless might not always be a bad thing after all.

  
**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. Stay tuned for the Epilogue.:)


	14. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I know I took me forever to update this but I had a writer’s block in size of Sahara Desert and it seems too many emotion over my beloved ship switched of my brain. I’m ridiculously behind in all of my projects. I promise I’ll try to catch up during the hiatus. I hope RL will let me. As always a big thank you to my lovely beta captain_k_jones. I would be nothing without you.:* Enjoy.

** Epilogue **

Emma stood in front of her bedroom mirror putting the tear shaped pearl earrings on. When the second clasp clicked into its place, she tucked a single strand of her hair behind her ear. She frowned as she noticed Tinkerbell’s fur on her navy dress. How in the hell did that happen? She was so sure she’d kept the dress out of the cat's reach. Bending down a little, she started to furiously brush the hair off. She didn’t have time to change. Fortunately, the ginger abomination didn't stick to the cloth to hard and she was able to get rid of it with a triumphant ‘aha’ leaving her lips.  

Strong arms wrapped around her waist and she immediately felt warmth pressed against her back. Soft lips pressed against the back of her neck and a pleasant burn from three or more day old scruff followed. Straightening herself up, she leaned back into his chest and closed her eyes with a soft sigh. His tongue traced the path from her earlobe to the point where her neck met her shoulder, sending a shiver down her spine.

“Killian.”  She whispered beneath his touch.

“Hmmm ...” He nuzzled his nose against her neck making her feel weightless and she was tempted to give in into the desire burning through her veins.

Turning her head, she forced herself to look at him from beneath half closed eyelids.

“We don't have time for this…” Her voice caught in her throat as his teeth nibbled on her sensitive flesh.

“I always have time for this.” He pulled away from her, tracing a finger against skin exposed  to his touch by her backless dress. “Besides, you don't exactly make it easy for a man to behave properly looking as stunning as you do in this lovely number.” His breath tickled her earlobe, making her eyelids flutter. God, she wanted to give into him.

She felt a pleasant burn when he rubbed his chin against her shoulder only to lean on it seconds later. His fingers intertwined with hers and he placed both of their hands before them, enveloping her in a hug.

“You look stunning, love.” His husky murmur spread warmth through her body and she opened her eyes.

The sight in the mirror unleashed the butterflies in her belly. Smiling to herself she took in the picture they both made.

She in a knee length navy dress that hugged her figure in all the right places. Her golden hair pulled from her face in elegant braided bun. There was a spark in her eyes, shining like a star and her cheeks were flushed while a soft content smile lingered on her lips. She felt beautiful. Not only because of her looks, but because of Killian standing right behind her. He was all tall, dark, and handsome; dressed in a sharp black suit and dark gray shirt. His hair was in perfect disarray, making her itch to touch it, and yet elegant enough to suit his formal attire. His blue eyes twinkled at her from the mirror and she could see the dimples in his cheeks, indicating the he was smiling against her shoulder. He was a beautiful man. There was no other way to describe him. ‘ _Handsome_ ’ simply was not enough.

She leaned slightly into him. His eyes twinkled as he took in their reflection and that made her smile even wider. He looked at her as if she was the most precious jewel, he had ever seen. She noticed sparks shining in her eyes too. It was something new, something she was not used to. Happy. She looked happy. They looked happy and she wanted to stay like this with him forever.

“So.” His whisper sent a shiver down her spine. “How about we put Liam in bed for a nap.” He tugged her closer to him. “And entertain ourselves with some more enjoyable activities?” He pressed his hips against hers. She could see his raised eyebrow in the mirror and that little smirk, the smirk that promised her deliciously inappropriate things.

Fighting to smile even wider, she bit her bottom lip.

“If we put Liam to bed...” Untangling their fingers, she turned in his embrace to put her arms around his neck. “...it will be occupied…” Tilting her head, she let her eyes fall to his lips as she finished in a teasing whisper “There won’t be any room left for us and those a pleasant activities you have in mind.” Lifting her gaze to meet his again, she traced her tongue over her bottom lip and watched as his eyes darkened, setting free the butterflies in her stomach.

“Oh, there are other surfaces we can use, love…” Resting his forehead on hers, he looked at her with hunger in his eyes. “That lovely cream couch in your living room for example.” A peck on her lips. “Or that comfortable rug. I must say I’m quite fond of it.” It was a whisper against her ear, making blood rush to her cheeks. “It’s perfect for _pillaging and plundering_.“

Rolling her eyes, she pushed him away playfully.

“Come on pirate.” She rearranged his tie and smoothed the lapels of his jacket. “We have a wedding to attend.”

***

Leaving the crisp winter air behind them, they entered the church hand in hand- Liam, Emma and him. The room went silent as dozens sets of eyes turned their way and, in that moment, Killian thought that maybe coming here was not such a great idea. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath in an attempt to regain some of the confidence he’d felt when Emma had first asked him to come here with her. It didn’t help, not even a bit, but the warm hand squeezing him in reassurance did. Emma’s hand.

He turned his head to look at her. Her cheeks were rosy from the cold as was the tip of her nose. There was uncertainty in her eyes. He knew she was scared, she tended to be in situations as this one, but she looked up at him and gave him a reassuring smile. He felt tension leaving him quickly. Taking a deep breath, he returned the smile. Hr had no reason to be nervous, they were in this together.

Ignoring the curious eyes around them, he lead Emma and Liam to an empty bench where they could all wait for the arrival of the bride. Taking off his beanie and throwing it with a frown on Killian's lap, Liam jumped straight into Emma's lap like it was the most natural thing to do. In some ways it was. Killian felt himself smiling. Even if the day went horribly wrong, it was worth to see the two most important people in his life sitting right here beside him at such a family event.

He heard a movement behind his back and, judging by the sounds of dozens of sighs and a the really out of tune wedding march, he concluded the bride had arrived.

When he turned his head, there she was. The elegant all white gown contrasted nicely with her dark hair and he couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips. The bride wore a small, happy smile as she walked down the aisle towards a very nervous groom. The groom swayed on his heels, his hands clasped tightly in front of him. But his eyes, his eyes were bright and full of hope.

He found himself smiling wider at the man. Three months ago, he would not have been able to look at a man so obviously happy and in love without pain shooting through his heart. Then again, he hadn’t known Emma at time.

Turning his head towards the woman in question, he noticed that his son had started to doze off in her lap. Truthfully, it was his nap time and it was a miracle the lad hadn’t fallen asleep in the car.

Liam head was falling to the side as he slipped further into slumber. Before Killian even a chance to react, Emma did. Her arms went around the little lad in an instant and she pulled him closer to her, placing a kiss on top of his unruly hair. The sight made his heart sing. He would never get over the fact that she loved his son that much or that  Liam loved her back just as furiously. It was almost as much as Killian loved her, because he did love her. He had known it for a while, probably from the first time they kissed, if not earlier. It was nothing new. However it took moments like this, with his son in Emma’s arms while she smiled so tenderly at the lad as if he was her own flesh and blood, to actually make Killian acknowledged how much she meant to him. This was not some fling. It was so much more - it was the forever kind of love.

Smiling softly, he turned his attention to the wedding once again. Scanning the sea of guests occupying the front rows of the church, he noticed eyes staring intently at him, eyes that looked just like Emma’s.

He sucked in his breath and his heart skipped a beat, because suddenly he knew who was watching him so closely. She had the same line of eyebrows, the same cheekbones and chin. If it wasn’t for the different coloring and the fact that the woman was evidently older than Emma, they could pass on as twins. Quite unexpectedly, Killian found himself in a staring contest with Emma’s mother. The one she was so desperately trying to impress. Not that she told him anything about it but, if her asking him to come to the wedding with her was any indication, Emma didn’t want her mother to meddle in their affairs. He had assured her everything would be fine then and he intended to keep his word. Knowing he was going to be attracting attention from all family members had helped him prepare for this.

_“It’s going to be like ripping of a band aid, love.” He’d told her that night. “Honestly, meeting them all at the same time will spare us a lot of stress.”_

To be honest, he was thrown off a little by how much Emma and her mother looked alike. Then again, it helped him a bit because he could decipher the woman's expressions and right now, she was judging him. Not wanting to cause a scene, he tore her eyes from hers and looked to her left. The tense posture of the man sitting beside Emma’s mother and his mop of dark blond hair indicated her father. Killian let out a sigh. At least the man was not interested in drilling a hole in his head. There was nothing he could do about the situation at the moment, so he tried to focus on the ceremony again. It worked, to a certain degree.

Liam woke up when the wedding ended. But he remained in Emma’s arms, clinging to her like a lifeline. Not that she minded. In fact, she didn’t look displeased at all to miss the whole bouquet throwing thing.

“Not my style,” she muttered underneath her breath when he asked her.

He smiled at that. His Emma was most definitely not interested in participating in wedding traditions. She was quite content to hold Liam in her arms, rocking him gently as the lad tried to wake up fully. Somehow, along the course of their rather short relationship, Emma had learned how to soothe his son. Which is why her abrupt stillness a few minutes later caught his attention.

“Emma” A soft voice behind his back caused him to turn around.

Once again, he met the scrutinizing gaze of Emma’s mother.

“Aren’t you going to introduce us?” He could practically feel the eye roll that he was sure followed Mrs. Swan’s question.

“Mom, this is Killian.” Emma tilted her head towards him. “Killian, this is my mother.”

He took her mother's hand his. Bowing his head, he place a kiss against her knuckles.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, milady.”

He raised his eyes to meet the probing gaze of Mrs. Swan once again. She smiled at him, a small impressed smile that reached her green eyes. In that moment, he knew he’d won her over.

***

Emma rested her head against Killian’s shoulder as he talked animatedly with Robin. His arm hugged her close to him as his fingers traced a soothing patterns against her shoulder. Feeling his chest vibrating with every word made her feel safe and cherished, simply happy. She sighed contently and looked up to admire his sharp jawline and the scruff he insisted on trimming everyday like some high school girl who would not leave her home without make up. She called him vain jokingly one day and he had just thrown her one of his smirks before telling her more or less that he did that just for her pleasure. The thought made blood rush to her cheeks. It was funny that after such a short amount of time of being together, he knew her that well.

A soft chuckle interrupted her thoughts. She turned her head to face her cousin only to meet Regina’s eyebrow raised and her red lips smirking. The look her dark eyes gave Emma, made her squirm in her seat. Regina wore her all-knowing expression, the one Emma normally hated, but now there was something more to it, something light, something she had never seen before. Untangling herself from Killian’s embrace, Emma leaned towards her cousin and felt her own eyebrow raising.

“What?” she asked in a hushed whisper, almost laying on the table.

“He’s good for you.” The words were spoken so softly Emma almost didn't hear them.

“Huh?” It wasn’t an eloquent response but her cousin was not exactly keen on complements or  encouraging  comments, so her statement threw Emma off balance.

Rolling her eyes as she usually did when annoyed, Regina tilted her head towards the man sitting next to Emma.

“Killian is good for you.”

To say Emma was surprised would be an understatement. She knew she and Killian had a good  thing going on, she had known that for quite some time now, but to hear that from someone else's mouth was an entirely different thing. Especially when it came from the normally aloof and sarcastic cousin of hers

“You think so?” The question sounded so breathless in her own ears that Emma almost wanted to let old habits to kick in and run. That was what she did before when people hit to lose to home- she ran. She didn’t, or couldn’t, because somehow being with Killian made that urge disappear.

“I know so.” Emma did not expect to hear such conviction in her cousin's words.

Regina bit her lips as her gaze shifted to her husband conversing with Killian. There was so much love in her eyes that Emma felt like an intruder, disturbing a very important moment.

“You look happy, Emma.” Her heart skipped a bit. “And I haven’t seen you happy for quite some time.” Her dark eyes regarded Emma for a moment. “If not ever.”

Before she could even react, the DJ started to play songs again and Emma felt a warm hand on her shoulder. Tilting her head to the right she met the warm gaze of her boyfriend.

“Care to dance, milady?” His eyes twinkled with mischief and he wore the grin that made her melt every time she saw it.

Emma smiled. She loved when Killian went all cavalier on her. It made her feel special, cherished.

“Of course you may, kind sir.” She said while placing her hand in his outstretched one.

He helped her off the chair and pulled her flush against him, ignoring potential scrutinizing stares of her family. She was just about to remind him about that when he carefully placed his hand on her lower back and took her hand in his other one. Looking into his eyes, Emma realized she didn’t actually care what other people thought, not when held her close as he swayed with her across the floor  and murmured sweet nothings in her ear,  not when she felt like everyone besides them disappeared or became irrelevant.

She felt his heart beating steadily, even though it should not be possible. She smelled the spicy scent of his cologne which stirred a pleasant fire in her blood. His breath tickled her earlobe when he pressed his scruffy cheek against hers. Warmth enveloped her. She felt so safe, so carefree. Almost like she had found her own little piece of heaven.

A loud shriek tore her out of her musings. The shriek was followed by two small hands pulling on her and Killian's legs. They pulled away from each other just enough to look down at the toothy grin of Liam. Emma heard Killian chuckle before he bent down to pick up the kid.

“Looks like someone would like to join the party.” The boy threw his arms around his father's neck, hugging him closely as soon as Killian crunched low enough.

It still amazed her how his whole demeanor change in the presence of his son. His face lit up every time he laid his eyes on Liam. There was so much love in his gaze, she felt tears stinging underneath her eyelids.

Picking up the boy, Killian turned to face her again. He must have noticed something different in her expression because he tilted his head and watched her for a moment with his brows frowned. She could see the unspoken question and a flash of worry in his eyes. Shaking her head slightly, Emma put her hand on his shoulder to slowly run her palm down it in reassurance. His face brightened up in an instant.

“What do you say, lad...” He turned to Liam again, tightening his grip around the boy. “Shall we dance with the lady?”

Liam’s body moved up and down with enthusiasm and Emma laughed at the boys antics. A raised eyebrow and a smirk graced Killian’s face as he pulled her once again to him. As soon as her body touched his, Liam threw one arm around her neck, tugging her close to himself and his father, so close that Emma and Killian’s foreheads touched.

Emma’s smile mirrored Kilian’s as the three of them swayed with the music with their arms around each other. She saw Liam smiling  with a glee only a child can possess. They were together and nothing else mattered. She didn’t care about her family’s opinion anymore. For the first time in her life, she did not care what her mother thought. The only thing that mattered was her little family. Her two boys, who appeared in her life when everything seemed to be going the wrong way, when she had almost lost hope. She might have been the one to save Liam's life but it was his unfortunate accident that lead him and his father to ER that night, it was his accident that led to her life being saved.  That night had brought light into her life. It brought happiness she never knew existed. Lastly, it had brought love. Love that filled her with hope and, for the first time in her life, Emma was not afraid. For the first time, she did not feel helpless.

**The End**


End file.
